


Hamilsin Squad

by NNDRS_MNDRS



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Burr and Peggy are bffs, Don't Judge Me, F/F, Gen, Group chat, M/M, Maria and King George are bffs, Modern AU, NB Lafayette, Nonbinary Character, Queer Characters, Relationships are like mentioned and sometimes are a big deal, Sassy and Nb Peggy, Texting, Why I shouldn't write tbh, Yes I ship Maria and Angelica, umm what else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:37:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 29,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7023688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NNDRS_MNDRS/pseuds/NNDRS_MNDRS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another group chat au with the Hamilton crew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mistakes

**_SmolHamMan_ sent a message to group chat _Hamilbros and Hoes_**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Guys

**SmolHamMan:** Wake up it's important

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Like super important so get off your lazy asses and aNSWER ME

 

 **J.Laur:** Alex it is 5 in the morning

 

 **J.Laur:** Most of us are sleeping

 

 **SmolHamMan** : My information is more important than your rest

 

 **irlANGEL:** You say that about everything

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Lies

 

 **irlANGEL:** Last time you woke us up before 9 it was to send us pictures of your shaved legs

 

 **SmolHamMan:** For the record they were really smooth

 

 **J.Laur:** True

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Oh my fucking god what is this

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Why are y'all awake

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hercules my man

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Question when is Laf supposed to get home?

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Not until a week from today

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Are you sure?

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Um yes????

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I'm pretty sure I know when my lover will be getting home since I miss them like shit

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Then

 

 **SmolHamMan:** How do you explain

 

 **SmolHamMan:** THIS

 

 **SmolHamMan:** _sleepylaf.png_

 

 **Elizard:** Oh my god that's so cute _  
_

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hello wife how are you 

 

 **Elizard:** Mad at you but not as mad since you sent this cute picture of Laf

 

 **J.Laur:** Alex what is this

 

 **J.Laur:** I thought I was your wife

 

 **SmolHamMan:** No John 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Being my wife is an honorary thing

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I don't even have a nickname for you

 

 **J.Laur:** All this betrayal

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Shush I'll think of something  <3333

 

 **J.Laur:** <3333

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** First of all ew

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Second

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Guys I don't think that's Laf

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Herc you're being ridiculous this looks exactly like them

 

 **J.Laur:** I can't confirm since I'm in Virginia til tomorrow but that does look like Laf

 

 **J.Laur:** Maybe you're just delusional

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I know what my baby looks like and that is NOT my baby

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'm pretty sure Herc knows what he's saying

 

 **irlANGEL:** He spends nearly every minute of his life complimenting Laf on their appearance (which I'm really jealous of tbh)

 

 **Peggles:** Same Angie

 

 **Elizard:** Hello Schuyler siblings

 

 **Peggles** **:** Morning sis

 

 **irlANGEL:** Morning Eliza

 

 **irlANGEL:** Hey you two are we still on for our day out or no?

 

 **Elizard:** Of course

 

 **Peggles:** Only if you give me a ride I'm not catching another Uber 

 

 **irlANGEL:** Sweet Pegs be ready around like 12 then

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Stop rubbing your family in my face it's disgusting

 

 **Peggles:** #srrynotsrry

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Anyway

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Herc I just checked the ears and this is so Lafayette

 

 **SmolHamMan:** The diamond studs match

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Alex I'm telling you that's not Lafayette 

 

 **Laflyette:** Hercules is right that is not me

 

 **Laflyette:** I just got finished with my family

 

 **Laflyette:** Good morning friends

 

 **Peggles:** Woah shIT 

 

 **Peggles:** PLOT TWIST

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Then who the fuck is this

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Brb investigating

 

 **Elizard:** Oh jeez

 

 **irlANGEL:** ^^^^

 

 **Peggles:** Don't die you still owe me $20

 

 **J.Laur:** Why did you lend him money?

 

 **Peggles:** Because I was trying to fill my nice quota last week and he was just there

 

 **Laflyette:** Honestly Alex is always just there

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** True tho

 

 **irlANGEL:** I worry about him way more than I should tbh

 

 **Elizard:** So do I

 

 **SmolHamMan:**  So

 

 **SmolHamMan:** That wasn't Lafayette

 

 **Laflyette:** Yes Alexander that has been established

 

 **SmolHamMan:** No but guys

 

 **SmolHamMan:** It was Jefferson

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Lies

 

 **J.Laur:** Pics or it didn't happen

 

 **irlANGEL:** ^^^

 

 **Peggles:** ^^^

 

 **SmolHamMan:**   _eW.png_

 

 **SmolHamMan:**   _WHATTHEFuCK.png_

 

 **SmolHamMan:** _sent a video_

 

 **J.Laur:** Oh my god

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** aLEX PLEASE

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** FIND SOME C H I L L

 

 **Peggles:** Rip Jefferson

 

 **Peggles:** Cause of death-Alexander's tiny feet

 

 **Laflyette:** Alexander oH MY GOD

 

 **Elizard:** Jesus Alex is he okay?

 

 **irlANGEL:** ALEX WHY DID YOU JUMP ON HIM

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Self Defense 101

 

 **Laflyette:** That was not "Self Defense 101" that was mURD ER

 

 **Laflyette:** Guys Thomas is texting me

 

 **Laflyette:** He's telling me to add him in because he knows about this chat already and he knows I'm up

 

 **Laflyette:** Should I do it

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Ew no

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I don't need him polluting my screen

 

 **Elizard:** Alexander we're adding him and you're going to apologize

 

 **SmolHamMan:** WHAT WHY

 

 **J.Laur:** You did kind of attack him while he was unconcious

 

 **J.Laur:** Typing "I'm sorry" is the least you can do

 

 **SmolHamMan:** BETRAYED BY MY BOYFRIEND

 

 **SmolHamMan:** BETRAYED BY MY WIFE

 

 **SmolHamMan:** GUYS HELP ME OUT

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:**  ....

 

 **irlANGEL:** ....

 

 **Peggles:** ....

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Remind me to never do a favor for any of you again 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Never knew you were all so fake smh

 

 **_Laflyette_ ** **added _T. Jeffersinn_ to the chat**

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Well hello everyone

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **left the chat**

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Rude

 

 _**J.Laur** _ **added _SmolHamMan_ to the chat**

  

 **Elizard:** Alex apologize

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Eliza it literally pains me to even think his name

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I can't apologize to him that's too far

 

 **J.Laur:** There'll be a surprise for when I come home tomorrow if you do

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Thomas, I am dearly sorry for assaulting you in such a manner. It was unjust of me to catch you off guard while unconscious despite the fact that you were an unwanted intruder in my own home. Please forgive me for my childish behavior. 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** That was the most positive thing that he's ever said to me

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Tempted by sex

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** That's amusing

 

 **Laflyette:** That was the fastest I have ever seen a response 

 

 **Laflyette:** Laurens mon ami you have a true gift

 

 **J. Laur:** It's a talent

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Jesus Alex lower your lust

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'm not even surprised

 

 **Peggles:** Same

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Unfriended, blocked, reported

 

 **SmolHamMan:** All of you

 

 **Elizard:** At least he apologized you guys give him credit

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Thank you 'Liza

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Wait there's someone else who needs to see this

 

 ** _T. Jeffersinn_ added ** _**JemMads** _ **to the chat**

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Madison

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You've got to see this

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I know you're up I can here the tv in the other room

 

 **JemMads:** What is it now Thomas

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Read everything above and tell me Hamilton isn't pathetic

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I take back every nice thing I have ever said to you 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I hope you get attacked by a pack of rabid wolves

 

 **JemMads:** For the record, Alex is no better than you Thomas

 

 **Peggles:** Wait what

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Yoooooo

 

 **J. Laur:** Brb wheezing

 

 **Elizard:** Oh my god

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I'm appalled that you would ever compare me to him

 

 **JemMads:** Really

 

 **JemMads:** Remember last night

 

 **irlANGEL:** James has those reciepts

 

 **Laflyette:** I believe it is story time, non?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Please don't

 

 **SmolHamMan:** WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Ew wait nvm I don't wanna know

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Hamilton shut up

 

 **JemMads:**  So last night I asked Thomas to go run an errand for me since I was trying to get some work done for Washington's class

 

 **JemMads:** I needed him to go pick up the takeout that we ordered

 

 **JemMads:** And of course he complained, giving me excuses like he wasn't presentable or he was in the middle of a shower

 

 **JemMads:** Which was a lie since Thomas you ALWAYS are dressed to the nines and you took like two showers last night

 

 **JemMads:** So eventually I told him that I'd surprise him with something special if he did

 

 **JemMads:** I have never seen Thomas leave the house so fast

 

 **JemMads:** And he wasn't even fully dressed it was funny watching him run out with his robe billowing behind him and his face mask on

 

 **JemMads:** Long story short Thomas, don't be a hypocrite

 

 **Laflyette:**  SHit

 

 **SmolHamMan:**  FUCKING DRAGGED

 

 **J. Laur:** D e a d

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Why do I even talk to any of you

 

 **irlANGEL:** I ask myself that question every single day

 

 **Elizard:** Honestly same

 

 **SmolHamMan:** This just in the Schuylers are fake

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Except for Peggy they're cool

 

 **Peggles:** Hell yeah

 

 **JemMads:** If that's it then Thomas and I are gonna sleep

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh thank god

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Aw but it's only 6

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** In the morning

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Your point?

 

 **J. Laur:** Babe he's right

 

 **J. Laur:** I need sleep for my flight tomorrow

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay love goodnight  <3333

 

 **J. Laur:** <3333

 

 **Laflyette:** Ew

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** ^^^

 

 **Laflyette:** Herc dear go to sleep

 

 **Laflyette:** Wait no I'll skype you before you do

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Bye guys something came up and their name is Lafayette

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I'm coming bby

 

 **irlANGEL:** Good choice

 

 **irlANGEL:** Night everyone

 

 **Peggles:** Nite

 

 **Elizard:** Good night

 

 **SmolHamMan:** God fine go to sleep see if I care

 

 **SmolHamMan:** ....

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay I'm lonely please come back

 

 **J. Laur:** Go to sleep now and I promise you'll get your surprise right when I walk in tomorrow 

 

 **J. Laur:** ;)

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Good night everybody and sleep well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading the first chapter. I hope you stay for more.
> 
> Next Chapter: Alexander gets memed on and Washington enters the chat


	2. Meme-ington

_**J.** **Laur** _ **sent a message to groupchat _Hamilbros and Hoes_  **

 

 **J. Laur:** Alexander is about to have an existential crisis in 3....

 

 **J. Laur:** 2...

 

 **SmolHamMan:** GUYS OH MY GOD HELP ME

 

 **J. Laur:** Bingo

 

 **SmolHamMan:** John shut the fuck up you're irrelevant

 

 **J. Laur:** Then I better be irrelevant tonight too

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Babe I'm sorry please

**irlANGEL:** Jesus Christ Alexander just tell us

 

 **Elizard:** Why are you having a crisis

 

 **Laflyette:** Is it about Thomas again because I have multiple reasons why he's a great guy

**T. Jeffersinn:** Surprisingly it's not me this time

 

 **JemMads:** I can confirm that

**JemMads:** He's actually cuddled up next to me

**T. Jeffersinn:** We're watching How to Get Away with Murder

 

 **Peggles:** Shit don't spoil anything from me I just started

 

 **JemMads:** Don't worry we won't

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Can we stop disrupting Alex now 'cause I'm actually interested this time

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Thank you Herc

 

 **SmoHamMan:** Anyway

 

 **SmolHamMan:** So I was going to visit Washington in his office on campus (I had emailed him to meet me there to talk about one of our assignments)

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I walk in with my usual greeting of "hey Mr. GWash how are you?"

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You actually call him that?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Ever since the first day and he hasn't corrected me yet

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay back on track

 

 **SmolHamMan:** So I greet Washington, and he looks up at me with the most serious look on his face and says "Here comes dat boi"

 

 **Laflyette:** I don't believe you

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yeah neither do I Alex

 

 **Elizard:** It does sound a little farfetched

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Burr was even there he can vouch for me

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **added _AyAyRon_ to the chat**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hey Burr I have a question for you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Did you or did you not witness THE George Washington meme on me

 

 **AyAyRon:** I did

 

 **AyAyRon:** It was really funny I even followed up with "oh shit waddup"

 

 **AyAyRon:** And then we laughed for a little it was great

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh yeah

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I tried to forget that one moment

 

 **SmolHamMan** **:** But guys I rest my case

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I can never look at Washington the same way ever again

 

 **Peggles:** I'm surprised you guys are shocked about this

 

 **Peggles** **:** Washington is literally that dad-like figure that's cool with everything

 

 **Peggles:** Not to mention he's kind of my meme buddy

 

 **Peggles:** Along with Mr. Burr here

 

 **irlANGEL:** Peggy since when did you hang out with Burr?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yes and why wasn't I informed about this?

 

 **Peggles:** Ever since that day you guys abandoned me at the mall

 

 **Peggles:** And Alex you overreact about everything 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But you're supposed to confide in me

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I thought we were besties

 

 **Peggles:** Tuff luck kid

 

 ** _Laflyette_ added**   _ **Washingdone**_ **to the chat** **  
**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Why must you pain me in this way?

 

 **Washindone:** Is my appearance that painful, Alexander?

 

 **SmolHamMan:**  Not particularly

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex babe come to bed before you ruin this for yourself

 

 **SmolHamMan:** John I'm not five okay I can have a conversation with my professor

 

 **J. Laur:** Aw but

 

 **J.**   **Laur:** I'm cold

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You can deal with it

 

 **J. Laur:** But baby girl....

 

**_SmolHamMan_ left the chat**

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh my goddd

 

 **AyAyRon:** Why must this happen to me

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** WHE EZINFBFBUIFE JKjbkcjkc

 

 **JemMads:** I could have lived without that

 

 **Laflyette:**  Honestly so could I

 

 **J. Laur:** Guys Alex is making me leave since my phone is buzzing

 

 **J. Laur:** So I'll get back at y'all in an hour

 

 **Elizard:** Use protection guys

 

 **J. Laur:** I always do

 

 **J. Laur:** Woah okay really gotta go now bye

 

_**J. Laur**_ **left the chat**

 

 **irlANGEL:** I hate you all sO MUCH

 

 **Peggles:** An hour

 

 **Peggles:** A fucking hour

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** At least they're responsible

 

 **Laflyette:** I just really hope they don't use all of my chocolate this time

 

 **Laflyette:** I may visit France often but that chocolate is not easy to come by

 

 **Washingdone:** The way Alex left I-

 

 **Washingdone:** I can't get over it

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Trust me he's always this bad

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** It's kind of humiliating

 

 **JemMads:** Really

 

 **JemMads:** Do we really have to have another discussion Thomas

 

 **Washingdone:** Discussion?

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** James had dragged Thomas the other day it was hilarious

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** No he didn't he's lying

 

 **JemMads:** Oh really?

 

 **JemMads:** I'll be back guys

 

**_JemMads_ left the chat**

 

 **Washingdone:** What are they doing?

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm sure you know Washington

 

 **irlANGEL:** Oh my god are they really

 

 _**T. Jeffersinn** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Peggles:** T HEY A RE

 

 **AyAyRon:** What is wrong with you people

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** WHY DO THEY S I N SO FREQUENTLY

 

 **Laflyette:** Aw is Herc baby feeling left out?

 

 _**Herc Nochilligan** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Washingdone:** Oh my god

 

 **Laflyette:** Got him

 

 **Elizard:** You all need to go find better hobbies

 

 **irlANGEL:** Speaking of better hobbies

 

 **irlANGEL:** Schuylers the time has come so get ready I'm picking you two up

 

 **Peggles:** Oh shit yes

 

 **Elizard:** Woops okay we'll see you all later

 

 **Peggles:** BYE LOSERS

 

 **AyAyRon:** Mr. Washington are you still at your office

 

 **Washingdone:** I'm just leaving

 

 **AyAyRon:** Do you want to go to lunch?

 

 **Washingdone:** Eh sure

 

 **Washingdone:** Meet me outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: France vs America


	3. Vive la France

**_Peggles_ sent a message to group chat  _Hamilbros and Hoes_**

 

 **Peggles:** gUYS MY STOVE IS ON FIRE

 

 **Peggles:** SEND HELP

 

 **irlANGEL:** PEGGY WHAT THE F U C K

 

 **J. Laur:** WHY ARE YOU TEXTING US CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT

 

 **Peggles:** YOU GUYS ARE MY EMERGENCY CONTACTS

 

 **Elizard:** First off

 

 **Elizard:** B r e a t h e

**Elizard:** Second

 

 **Elizard:** There is a fire extinguisher under your sink

 

 **Peggles:**  T H ANK Y OU

 

 **J. Laur:** Where would we be without Eliza

 

 **irlANGEL:** Well Peggy would be dead 

 

 **Laflyette:** What is wrong with you Americans

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** You have no reason to talk okay you eat snails

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Snails are really good tbh

 

 **J. Laur:** Never kiss me ever again

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Why are you guys freaking out snails are actually really good

 

 **Herc Nochilligan** : Does your boyfriend kiss you with that mouth?

 

 **JemMads:** Not anymore

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** But James why

 

 **JemMads:** You know how easily I get sick Thomas

 

 **JemMads:** And if snails are part of the reason then I'm not kissing you anymore without precautions

 

 **Laflyette:** You guys are bullies

 

 **Laflyette:** The French culture is amazing and our food is better

 

 **SmolHamMan:** #vivelafrance

 

 **Peggles:** Okay I'm back

 

 **Peggles:** And also

 

 **Peggles:** #AMERICAW

 

 **Laflyette:** But Peggy

 

 **Laflyette:** My nonbinary buddy

 

 **Laflyette:** Don't do this to me

 

 **Peggles:** Sorry not sorry

 

 **irlANGEL:** Peggy look at what you've started

 

 **Peggles:** I don't care now pick a side

 

 **irlANGEL:** #vivelafrance

 

 **Peggles:** wHAT

**Peggles:** FRANCOPHILE

 

 **Laflyette:** Herc would never betray me like that ha #vivelafrance

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** H a you thought

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** #AMERICAW til the day I die

 

 **Laflyette:** You're going down horse fucker

**Herc Nochilligan:** Didn't know you were a horse Laf

 

 **Laflyette:** Well you saddle me up like one so-

 

 **AyAyRon:** What did I just walk into 

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** No time to explain say #AMERICAW

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Don't do it Burr

 

 **AyAyRon:** #AMERICAW

 

 **AyAyRon:** Sorry but the land of the free us better

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** My Jamey would never do that

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Isn't that right James?

 

 **JemMads:** Actually 

**JemMads:** #AMERICAW

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I can't believe I ever called you a bro Madison

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I cannot believe this

 

 **SmolHamMan:** John you might as well come out now

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I can hear you bouncing in the other room

 

 **J. Laur:** #AMERICAW

 

 **J. Laur:** SUCK IT 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** That's something I won't be doing for a while

**Laflyette:** As won't I

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** ^^^

 

 **Peggles:** At least I still have my meme buddy 

**AyAyRon:** Pegs are we set for lunch today or no

 

 **Peggles:** Are we wearing our doge shirts

 

 **AyAyRon:** Duh

 

 **Peggles:** omw

**Washingdone:** I've tried so hard to avoid this chat

 

 **Peggles:**  Well now that you're here

 

 **J. Laur:** What country do you like more?

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** The land where we dump tea and ride eagles

 

 **AyAyRon:** Or the other across the sea

 

 **JemMads:** Where they have no chill and have actual baguette kinks?

 

 **Peggles:** Choose wisely Washington

 

 **Peggles:** Everything hangs in the balance

 

 **Washingdone:** #vivelafrance

 

 **JemMads:** W ow

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** smh

 

 **AyAyRon:** I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

 

 **SmolHamMan:** THANK YOU GWASH

 

 **J. Laur:** I see where you stand

 

 **Peggles:** Fake as hell 

 

 **irlANGEL:** Thank you Washington

 

 **Laflyette:** YesohmygodthankyouIhaveneverlovedanyonemoreyouarethebest

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I can hear James screaming in the other room oh my god

 

 **Elizard:** #vivelafrance

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Even my wife agrees

 

 **irlANGEL:** SISTER

**SmolHamMan:** Today is a good day

**SmolHamMan:** Alright France crew

 

 **SmolHamMan:** No sex with the enemy or else I wish the worst on you

 

 **J. Laur:** Can you even handle it

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You doubt me?

**J. Laur:** Sorry baby boy but I have my reasons

 

 **J. Laur:** Guys Alex just threw his phone across the room and locked himself in the bathroom

**Laflyette:** Commitment

 

 **Laflyette:** Well I have no problems since I'll be home in another two days

 

 **JemMads:** Guys Thomas is gonna break first

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh really?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You really underestimate me and I'm disappointed

**Elizard:** It's good being single

 

 **Peggles:** I can agree with that even if you are a traitor

**AyAyRon:** Well Theo isn't apart of this so that makes me safe

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** This will be a peace of cake

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Am I right crew

 

 **J. Laur:** ....

**Herc Nochilligan:** John

 

 **J. Laur:** Yeah lol I can do this

 

 **JemMads:** So can I

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay now that that's settled I'm kind of hungry can we all go out for lunch

 

i **rlANGEL:** AppleBee's????

 

 **Peggles:** Oh my god yes pleaseee

 

 **Peggles:** Burr let's go bring the meme to them

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'm okay with that

 

 **Elizard:** I'm coming

 

 **J. Laur:** Deal

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** James and I will meet you there

 

 **Elizard:** Angelica come pick me up

 

 **irlANGEL:** K

**Herc Nochillligan:** omw

 

 **Washingdone:** Can't I'm with the missus

 

 **irlANGEL:** You and Martha are honestly goals tbh

 

 **SmolHamMan:** True tho

 

 **Laflyette:** Well while you guys are there I'm going gift shopping since I have yet to do that

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oooh I'm exciteeddd

 

 **Laflyette:** You should be

 

 **Laflyette:** We'll all talk later

**Laflyette:**  Au Revoir #vivelafrancecrew

 

 **SmolHamMan:**  Au Revoir

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:**  Au Revoir

 

 **Washingdone:**  Au Revoir

 

 **Elizard:**  Au Revoir

 

 **Peggles:** Okay #AMERICAWcrew Let's show them who's boss

 

 **Peggles:** Just letting you know I'm disowning you if you fail so don't fail me

 

 **AyAyRon:** Peggy get in the car

 

 **Peggles:** Okay I'll see y'all soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun to write  
> So much back and forth I gave myself a headache
> 
> Next Chapter: Everyone bullies Alexander and Angelica acts really weird


	4. Surprises

_**Herc Nochilligan** _ **sent a message to group chat _Hamilbros and Hoes_**

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** gUYS IT'S IMPORTANT

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:**  LAF IS COMING HOME TOMORROW AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?!?!?!?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Well...

 

 **irlANGEL:** Alex no

 

 **irlANGEL:** You suck at giving romantic advice

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Angelica why are you always spreading your lies?

 

 **J. Laur:** Hon she's right

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Why are you always against me John

 

 **J. Laur:** ;)

 

 **Peggles:** Ew

 

 **AyAyRon:** Ditto

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Shut up

 

 **J. Laur:** Back to the point

 

 **J. Laur:** Remember the way you flirted with me when we first met?

 

 **AyAyRon:** Oh my god that was hilarious

 

 **Laflyette:** I remember that

 

 **Laflyette:** One of Alexander's greatest moments

 

 **Herc. Nochilligan:** I have that on camera it was so good

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** What stupid thing did Hamilton do?

 

 **JemMads:** ^

 

 **Washingdone:** I'm interested too

 

 **Peggles:** Guys spill the details what happened

 

 **Elizard:** I'm interested

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'm sure it isn't that bad let's give Alex some credit

 

 **Laflyette:** Where did John even go?

 

 **J. Laur:** I'm back

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex had taken my phone but I got it back

 

 **SmolHamMan:** He locked me out of the apartment

 

 **Peggles:** Smooth

 

 **J. Laur:** Okay who's ready for story time????

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm not

 

 **J. Laur:** Okay so the first time I met Alex was at a bar

 

 **J. Laur:**  This was like a week into college and Burr was showing Alex around town

 

 **J. Laur:** Herc, Laf and were fooling around as always because what else do we do at bars

 

 **J. Laur:** So eventually Laf and Herc leave me alone to screw each other senseless (Which started their relationship so go me being a good friend and not complaining about it)

 

 **J. Laur:**  Now Burr had brought Alex to introduce himself when they first entered the bar, which was about an hour before Laf and Herc left so I already knew his name

 

 **J. Laur:** So he comes over and slides into the seat next to mine, clearly more than a little drunk

 

 **J. Laur:** And I shit you not, this is what he said word for word

 

 **J. Laur:** 'Bartender! Let me get an amaretto sour for this ghetto flower! How are you so pretty? You complete me. You had me at hello, you know you need me. Truly, madly, deeply, let's get freaky. Oh I get it you’re the strong and silent type. Well, I’m the Caribbean island type, and I can drive you wild all night!  
But I digress! Say something so I don’t stress!'

 

 **J. Laur:** And I didn't know what to say AT ALL and when I get drunk my mind sometimes switches to Spanish since I was forced to learn it which makes sense since I am like half Puerto Rican but that's not the point

 

 **J. Laur:** And I responded with 'no hablo ingles'

 

 **J. Laur:** He was so drunk that he forgot that I did speak English, screamed 'YES' and then proceeded to flirt with me in Spanish

 

 **irlANGEL:**  I stand corrected 

 

 **irlANGEL:** This is the worst thing I've ever heard you do

 

 **Peggles:** SQUEALIGN

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:**   _sent a video_

 

 **Elizard:** Oh my g od

 

 **Elizard:** Alexander you are never allowed to drink AGAIN

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I can't believe this somebody save me I cant breathe

 

 **JemMads:** #prayforalex

 

 **Washingdone:** How are you the top of my class? 

 

 **Washingdone:** Why are you the top of my ACCELERATED class?

 

 **Washingdone:**  Why am I still here?

 

 **JemMads:** I ask myself that every time I wake up next to Thomas

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Honestly,,,,,ouch

 

 **J. Laur:** Well that was one hell of a drag

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I can feel Thomas's pain through the screen and it made me cringe

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Can we get back on track please? Laf is sleeping right now in France and I want to plan before they wake up.

 

 **J. Laur:** Okay first off, don't listen to Alex. He's useless in situations like this.

 

 **J. Laur:** Newsflash, Alex threw himself into the door. My point still stands.

 

 **J. Laur:** I think you should pamper them first

 

 **J. Laur:**  Then take them out to dinner at that cute little diner they like 

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:**  Why is John the only useful one here?

 

 **Elizard:** I was going to argue with that but it's true

 

 **irlANGEL:** ^^^

  

 **Peggles:** ^^^

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** How are you going out with Hamilton?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Why do you insist on shoving your crusty ass into my business every goddamn day?

 

 **JemMads:** Play nice Thomas

 

 **JemMads:** Now is not the time for a roast fest

 

 **Peggles:** Wait is that an actual thing 

 

 **Peggles:** Please say yes

 

 **AyAyRon:** Of course it is

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Everyday during our lunch breaks we meet outside Washington's office and roast each other

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Worst roaster has to treat the others to lunch

 

 **Washingdone:** Is that what all that yelling is?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Sorry GWash I'll keep them quiet next timr

 

 **Washingdone:** Alexander the one usually yelling is you 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Who's loud now Hamilton?

 

 **JemMads:** Still you

 

**_T. Jeffersinn_ left the chat**

 

 **J. Laur:** IM,,,,,,YODELING

 

 **J. Laur:** And Alex don't you dare say "you will be tonight" 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Well I'm not gonna do it anymore

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Also can I come back in now?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** The old lady across from us is staring at me and it's freaking me out

 

 **AyAyRon:** You guys are so problematic  

 

 **irlANGEL:** I couldn't put it any better myself

 

 **J. Laur:** Go to the store and buy some frosted flakes and maybe we'll talk about it

 

 **J. Laur:** I slid your wallet under the door

 

 **SmolHamMan:** God you hate me

 

 **irlANGEL:**  John are you still giving free advice? Because I need some for a close friend of mine.

 

 **J. Laur:** Of course Angel

 

 **irlANGEL:**  So my friend is dating this person, and they're really happy with said person, but they aren't sure if they're ready to tell their family or not

 

 **irlANGEL:** What would they do?

 

 **J. Laur:** Okay so here's what they'd do

 

 **J. Laur:** Tell them to take their time with it and only to tell if they're sure that they're ready to reveal it

 

 **J. Laur:** Sometimes it's better not to tell people until you know you really trust them

 

 **irlANGEL:** Okay thanks

 

 **irlANGEL:** Also what's a good anniversary present? 

 

 **irlANGEL:** My friend wants advice for that as well

 

 **J. Laur:** Since you're being very cryptic, I'm gonna say something completely cliche

 

 **J. Laur:** Something sweet, doesn;t matter if they take their lover out or make them something involving memories

 

 **J. Laur:** And make sure they can afford it. Sometimes the cheapest things are the most meaningful.

 

 **irlANGEL:** And with that I gotta go

 

 **irlANGEL:** Later y'all

 

 _**irlANGEL** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Peggles:** Now we can talk about her

 

 **Washingdone:** Peggy that's not very mature of you

 

 **Elizard:** No she's right for once

 

 **Elizard:** Angie's been acting weird 

 

 **Peggles:** I think she likes somebody but I'm not fully sure

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh pray tell I'm interested

 

 **JemMads:**  ^^^

 

 **J. Laur:** ^^^

 

 **Washingdone:** ^^^

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** ^^^

 

 **Elizard:** Well she's smiling a lot at her phone and always leaving suddenly whenever we're together

 

 **Peggles:** I was investigating and I heard her laughing and talking to someone on the phone

 

 **Peggles:** She sounded really happy

 

 **Peggles:** Our little girl is growing up guys

 

 **J. Laur:** Peggy she's older than you

 

 **Peggles:** Yes but she's smaller than me in other ways

 

 **Elizard:** I don't think I wanna know

 

 **JemMads:** Well while on this subject I have a source that may know something

 

 **JemMads:** AKA Thomas was telling me about Angelica the other day 

 

 _**JemMads** _ **added _T. Jeffersinn_ to the chat**

 

 **JemMads:** Thomas we need you now

 

 **JemMads:** Remember what you told me about Angelica?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You mean when I told you I saw her out with some girl? 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** YOU SAW WHAT?!?!?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Yeah she was out at lunch like a week or two ago

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Why did this never come up?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You never asked

 

 **AyAyRon:** Now that you mention it, I've seen her with someone too

 

 **AyAyRon:** Don't know who it is though

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm gonna snoop later on

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex no that's stupid

 

 **Elizard:** He's right

 

 **Peggles:** Listen to your boyfriend he has way more sense

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Peggy why do you feel the need to hurt me everyday of my life

 

 **Peggles:** Not everyday

 

 **Peggles:** Only most days

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay no but why shouldn't I do any research?

 

 **J. Laur:** Because then she won't want to tell us who it is 

 

 **J. Laur:** I knew that advice was for her I mean the friend excuse is so cliche

 

 **J. Laur:** So until she's ready we will be supportive 

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** John should run a dating hotline

 

 **J. Laur:** I've thought about it tbh and it might happen I'm not sure

 

 **J. Laur:** Maybe I'll just make a blog

 

 **Washingdone:** I won't lie, I've underestimated John so many times

 

 **Washingdone:** And he never ceases to amaze me

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yeah he's pretty great 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** He'd be even greater if he came and opened the fucking door

 

 **J. Laur:**  Woops sorry I'm shaving my legs

 

 **J. Laur:** Omw

 

 **Peggles:** Okay but John has really nice legs

 

 **Peggles:** Like I found myself staring at them one day and they're honestly so good

 

 **SmolHamMan:**   _hothotleg.png_

 

 **AyAyRon:** Skin = clear

 

 **Washingdone:** Bills = paid

 

 **Peggles:** Grades = PERFECT

 

 **Elizard:** Internet = strong

 

 **J. Laur:** You guys are so nice to me

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And I'm about to go be nice to him so later

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Why are you guys always having sex this is bogus

 

 **JemMads:** It honestly is

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Even I'm not this bad and that's saying a lot

 

 **Washingdone:** If only Alex spent as much time paying attention in class as he does with John

 

 **Peggles:** Y O

 

 **Elizard:**  Professor nO

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Bye I'm actually dead

 

 **JemMads:** ^^^

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** ^^^

 

 **AyAyRon:** Peggy we're teaching him well

 

 **Peggles:** Is this what being a proud parent feels like?

 

 **AyAyRon:** I think it is

 

 **AyAyRon:** Okay now I have to go

 

 **AyAyRon:** Theo and I are going to the movies

 

 **JemMads:** Tell Theo Thomas and I said hi

 

 **Elizard:** Same for me and Peggy

 

 **Washingdone:**  And Martha and I

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Theo scares me tbh

 

 **J. Laur:** But she's so sweet and has a great fashion sense

 

 **J. Laur:**  She makes me jealous 

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'll tell her all that

 

 _**AyAyRon** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Elizard:** Well I think we agree that this conversation is going nowhere now so I'll part with some words of advice

 

 **Elizard:** Alexander if you go after Angelica and badger her I swear on all that is holy that I will bring a powerful wrath upon you

 

 **Peggles:** AKA we're gonna roast the SHIT out of you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You have nothing to roast me about so check and mate

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Alex do not get me started okay

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I have the receipts and I guarantee you that your weave will be snatched

 

 **JemMads:** Thomas and I have them too

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You'll be making this so easy Hamilton

 

 **J. Laur:** Yeah babe don't do this

 

 **Washingdone:** Listen to John. He's smart.

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wow okay you are all so RUDE

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But I'll listen because I kind of like my weave where it is

 

 **Elizard:** Good

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But what if it comes up in convo?

 

 **J. Laur:** As long as it isn't forced

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'll do my best

 

 **J. Laur:** Good now come cuddle with me

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Ew relationship

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Okay but yeah gonna go set stuff up for the boo

 

 **Elizard:** Have fun with that

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I plan to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The commentary I get from this is so nice like ??? Where did you all come from??? Why are you all so sweet??? Honestly, thanks.
> 
> ALSO: If you haven't noticed, at the beginning of each chapter everybody has been added back. It's like a reset.
> 
> Next Chapter: Sweet Reunions and Laffy is back in America


	5. Marquis de Lafayette, Welcome Home!

_**Laflyette** _ **sent a message to groupchat _Hamilbros and Hoes_**

 

 **Laflyette:** HERCULES MULLIGAN

 

 **Laflyette:** MY PLANE LANDS IN AN HOUR AND IF YOU ARE NOT AT THE AIRPORT I S W E A R TO FUCK I WILL END YOU

 

 **Laflyette:** YOU BETTER BE GETTING READY OR I'LL IGNORE YOU THE WAY YOU'RE IGNORING THESE TEXTS

 

 **J. Laur:** Sorry Laf he's passed out

 

 **Laflyette:** It is literally 1 PM there HOW is he still asleep

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Stayed up all night rewatching the HSM series at his place

 

 **SmolHamMan:** It was torture and I hated every bit of it

 

 **J. Laur:** But yeah he's not gonna be up in time

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm going to have to fight him when I get home 

 

 **Laflyette:** This is not a drill

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Laf I'll come pick you up since nobody else was ready to offer

 

 **Laflyette:**  THOMAS IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND I HATE YOU ALL

 

 **Peggles:** Hey I would come get you

 

 **Peggles:** But for reasons that will remain unsaid, I am not trusted with any type of vehicle.

 

 **Elizard:** You crashed my car into a pole

 

 **irlANGEL:** You got a ticket that I had to pay off

 

 **AyAyRon:** Last time I let you drive we almost died

 

 **Peggles:** Okay I have made some mistakes

 

 **Peggles:** I am not sorry for any of them

 

 **Washingdone:** My apologies, Laf. If I had known when you were arriving I would be there.

 

 **Laflyette:** It's okay Washington I don't hold anything against you

 

 **Laflyette:** The others, however, I do

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm talking to you Laurens and Hamilton

 

 **J. Laur:** I'm trying to keep Alex from overworking and failing greatly

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I am not, as you put it, "overworking"

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm updating my blog

 

 **J. Laur:** For the fifth time today so far

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I have so much to say

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Thomas and I are on our way, Laf. - James

 

 **Laflyette:** They're my true friends

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wait why are you even texting you're on a plane

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm French I have foriegn people privileges

 

 **Laflyette:** Plus we haven't taken off yet

 

 **Laflyette:** And I think we're stopped at a terminal for a checky thing idk I'm not paying attention

 

 **Laflyette:** A lot has happened with this plane and I just want off

 

 **irlANGEL:** How are you foriegn you've lived in America for, like,,,,,,,,,,, 8+ years now???

 

 **Laflyette:** I have my ways okay leave me alone

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh wait Herc just woke up

 

 **J.Laur:** He just asked me what time it was

 

 **J.Laur:** And when I told him he fell backwards out of the chair

 

 **J.Laur:** HAH he's searching for his phone

 

 **J.Laur:** No wait he found it

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** OHMYGODIMSOSORRYLAFIFELLASLEEPMISSINGYOUANDBEINGREALLYEMOANDCRYINGOVERHSMOHGODIMTERRIBLEPLEASEDONTKILLME

 

 **Washingdone:** Well it looks like Herc is sorry

 

 **Laflyette:** Yeah you better be sorry

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm French I can't handle this kind of disappointment

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You can't handle anything because you're French

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** You won't be disappointed when you come home to the gifts I got you

 

 **Laflyette:** I am on the verge of forgiving you

 

 **Laflyette:** Merde I gotta go the attendant is coming up the aisle

 

 **Laflyette:** I love you all see you soon

 

 **T. Jaffersin:** Okay James and I have arrived and are currently waiting

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Beyonce is blaring and we have food with us so we'll be fine

 

 **JemMads:** I actually won't be

 

 **JemMads:** I think I forgot to take my allergy medicine

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I didn't even know you took allerdy medicine

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hell I didn't even know you had allergies I just thought you were always really sick or something

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Wow you're dense

 

 **JemMads:** I can't even defend you Alex I'm sorry

 

 **Washingdone:** Nobody can defend him now

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Tfw even your favorite professor can't defend you

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Okay that's nice but Alex and John I need you to help me clean this place up for Laf's arrival

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Why did we have movie night at my apartment again?

 

 **J. Laur:** You offered

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You most certainly did, and we brought all of the snack's over

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Okay whatever. Just help me clean up.

 

 **J. Laur:** Right-o

 

                                                                                                              ~*~

 

 _**JemMads** _ **sent a message to groupchat _Hamilbros and Hoes_**

 

 **JemMads:** We are en route with the Frenchperson

 

 **Laflyette:** YES HI HOLA BONJOUR HELLO

 

 **JemMads:**  They're so exciteable 

 

 **JemMads:** I can see why they and Thomas get along well

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Good because the house is clean and the idiots have left

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm excited for my surprise Mulligan

 

 **Laflyette:** It better be good or else

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Trust me, it is

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I agree with that statement

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I wish someone would do something like that for me cough cough JOHN

 

 **J. Laur:** Hey now I do things for you all the time 

 

 **J. Laur:** Now YOU on the other hand

 

 **J. Laur:** Let's talk about you Alexander

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But how about we don't do that

 

 **irlANGEL:** No no go ahead

 

 **irlANGEL:** I haven't seen a roast in so long okay I need this

 

 **AyAyRon:** I heard roast are we roasting now

 

 **Peggles:** Oh shit fam I'm here too

 

 **Elizard:** Present to see Alex spitted and roasted among an open fire

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wow now you decide to show up

 

 **JemMads:** Wait hold this off until Thomas and I are ready

 

 **Laflyette:**  Yeah I wanna be with Herc before we get started

 

 **Laflyette:** He always does a good job

 

 **Washingdone:** Nobody is roasting Alexander

 

 **SmolHamMan:** THANK YOU

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I can always count on you, sir

 

 **Washingdone:** Let me finish

 

 **Washingdone:** Nobody roasts him until I'm done grading papers

 

 **Washingdone:** It should take 30 minutes

 

 **JemMads:** Good Thomas and I should be ready

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I honestly hate each and every one of you with a BURNING passion

 

 **Peggles:** ANYWAY

 

 **Peggles:** Laf my nb buddy old pal I've missed you

 

 **Peggles:** How was France?

 

 **Laflyette:** Oh yes! France was just as magnificent as the last time I went. I bought some new clothing, visited my favorite cafe, all the usual things.

 

 **Laflyette:** And spending time with my family was absolutely the best! I miss them so much, so these moments are very precious.

 

 **Laflyette:** Some guys did hit on me but that's a normal part of my life.

 

 **Laflyette:** How has the "Land of the Free™" been fairing since I left?

 

 **J. Laur:** Terrible

 

 **J. Laur:** Donald Trump is still running for president

 

 **Laflyette:** Ew

 

 **J. Laur:** I know

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** It's been cold in bed without you and I'm really needy

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yeah Herc invited us over and cried about you while watching Highschool Musical last night

 

 **Laflyette:** Aw baaaabe

 

 **Laflyette:** I'll be home very soon and then you can treat me like the royalty you know I am 

 

 **Laflyette:** And then I'll treat you to something special

 

 **Laflyette:** How does that sound?

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** That sounds really great actually and now I'm eager x10000

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And I thought I was bad

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Clearly I was mistaken

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** BOI do not get me started

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** You're lucky I have to wait to roast your ass Alex because you'd regret your existence at this very moment

 

 **Laflyette:** BBY IM OUTSIDE COME GET THE DO OR

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** MY FRENCH DOLL IS HOME 

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** FUCKING  _FINALLY_

 

 _**Herc Nochilligan** _ **left the chat**

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Hey y'all I'm back

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Laf just tackled Herc and now they're rolling around in the grass

 

 **JemMads:** I'm very happy for them

 

 **JemMads:** Even if Laf was gone for only two weeks

 

 **J. Laur:** They are honestly such a cute couple it hurts

 

 **irlANGEL:** It's true they're obscenely adorable

 

 **Laflyette:** Aw you guys are so SWEET

 

 _**Laflyette** _ **added _Herc Nochilligan_ to the chat**

 

 **Laflyette:** Now let me brag about my awesome boyfriend for a second

 

 **Laflyette:** This handsome man booked me a MASSAGE at my favorite spa

 

 **Laflyette:** He made me a really cute blouse out of this material I like

 

 **Laflyette:** I have a G I F T B A S K E T of my favorite things on my bed

 

 **Laflyette:** He made reservations at the authentic French restaurant that I absolutely LOVE

 

 **Laflyette:** He's taking me shopping

 

 **Laflyette:** And he's carrying around for the rest of the day

 

 **Laflyette:** Now tell me that's not commitment

 

 **T. Jeffersin:**  I....am envious

 

 **J. Laur:** Herc you really did go all out hot damn

 

 **J. Laur:** That's "boyfriend of the year" material

 

 **JemMads:** Mulligan that's really thoughtful

 

 **AyAyRon:** Where do you get the money for this sweet Jesus

 

 **Peggles:** You guys make me want a relationship this isn't fair

 

 **Elizard:** Honestly same Pegs

 

 **irlANGEL:** That is the cutest thing I've ever heard Laf you better marry this boy someday

 

 **Laflyette:** Yes yes mom

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Aw hush

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I'd do anything for you Laf you know that

 

 **Laflyette:** Yes and I appreciate that  

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm also surprised that Alex hasn't commented

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh he's to busy trying to out-bf Hercules

 

 **J. Laur:** He left about thirty minutes ago

 

 **Laflyette:** Makes sense

 

 **Washingdone:** Oh yes, welcome back to the states, Lafayette. I hope you enjoyed your vacation.

 

 **Laflyette:** I did Washington, sir. Thank you.

 

 **Washingdone:** Mulligan, keep up the good work.

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I plan to, sir.

 

 **Washingdone:** Now that that's been addressed when are we roasting Alexander

 

 **Washingdone:** I have collected my fair share of dirt to use against him

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Oh am I excited for this

 

 **Laflyette:** So am I Thomas

 

 **Laflyette:** Wait Herc when's our first activity

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** In 20 actually we should get going

 

 **Laflyette:** We have to hold off The Great Roasting of A.Ham™ for later I have a full night

 

 **irlANGEL:** Of course

 

 **irlANGEL:** Have fun you two!

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Oh we will

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Later everybody

 

 **Laflyette:** Goodbye friends!!!

 

 _**Laflyette** _ **and _Herc Nochilligan_ left the chat**

 

 **irlANGEL:** Shit I have somewhere to be too bYE

 

 **irlANGEL:** NOBODY TEXT ME FOR THE NEXT HOUR AND A HALF

 

 _**irlANGEL** _ **left the chat**

 

 **J. Laur:** Who want's to bet she's on a date with Mystery Girl™?

 

 **Peggles:** Me

 

 **Elizard:** I do too

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Same

 

 **JemMads:** ^^^

 

 **AyAyRon:** I second that 

 

 **Washingdone:** As do I

 

 **J. Laur:** Good, so we all know not to pry, right?

 

 **J. Laur:** I'm talking to you Peggy

 

 **Peggles:** Laurens what the fuck I would never

 

 **Elizard:** Lies and decieption

 

 **Elizard:** They most definitely WOULD snoop around

 

 **Elizard:** Hell they're almost as bad as Alex is

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I heard my name being insulted what are you talking about

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wait no okay

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Eliza you are rude

 

 **Elizard:** Well it's true, and you know everybody else agrees with me.

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Unfortunately

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Anyways I gotta zayne

 

 **J. Laur:** Same Alex and I are going out to lunch

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** James and I are coming

 

 **Peggles:** So are Aaron, GWash, and I

 

 **Washingdone:** I have no problem with this

 

 **Elizard:** I'll be there

 

 **J. Laur:** Great we're meeting at our usual place

 

 **AyAyRon:**  T.G.I.Friday's?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yes T.G.I.Friday's

 

 **SmolHamMan:** We'll see you there

 

 **Elizard:** I'll see you all in 10

 

 **JemMads:** And so will we

 

 **Peggles:** Food here we come!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, yes I got another chapter up. Summer break is quickly approaching, so I'll have more time to write. Anyway, I want to say thanks again for all of the comments and stuff because there's no way to convey how happy I am that people like my stuff. So now I have to sleep since it's like 3 in the morning and I'm tired as all hell.
> 
> Next Chapter: Alex gets roasted


	6. The Great Roasting of A.Ham™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first official roast chapter. Enjoy.

_**Laflyette** _ **sent a message to group chat _Hamilbroes and Hoes_**

 

 **Laflyette:** Guess what today it is?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** A day that ends in y?

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex do you seriously not know what day it is

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Maybe 

 

 **J. Laur:**  You're a lost cause jfc

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Shut up we aren't talking about me

 

 **Laflyette:** Oh but we very much are

 

 _ **Laflyette**  _ **changed group name to**   _ **The Great Roasting of A.Ham™**_

 

 **Laflyette:** Today, my dear friend, you will receive the roasting of your life

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I heard roasting

 

 **Peggles:** FUk yes

 

 **Peggles:** I have so many reciepts

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh my god no

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Please

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Spare me and my weave job

 

 **Peggles:** That weave will be snatched and thrown in the sewer where it belongs

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Am I late

 

 **Laflyette:** Nah

 

 **Laflyette:** Will James be joining us, Thomas?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Yes, but a little later

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** He's making breakfast

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yes hello I am present for The Great Roasting of A.Ham™

 

 **Elizard:** ^^^^

 

 **AyAyRon:** ^^^^^^

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I have some of the worst friends ever

 

 **Laflyette:** Who wants to go first?

 

 **AyAyRon:** Me

 

 **SmolHamMan:** HA

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm sorry Aaron but you couldn't roast someone even if they gave you a flamethrower, turned it on high, and put your hand on the trigger before aiming it at themselves

 

 **AyAyRon:** Okay first off

 

 **AyAyRon:** That insult was almost as weak as your pull out game

 

 **AyAyRon:**  I can't roast somebody?

 

 **AyAyRon:** You wouldn't know the definition of roasting if it hit you in the face while wearing Donald Trump's crusty toupee and spitting slurs and then shoved a flame thrower so far up your ass that every time you spoke nothing but smoke came out

 

 **AyAyRon:** You have no room to talk

 

 **AyAyRon:** With your middle aged father looking ass

 

 **AyAyRon:** Like damn your hair is greasier than the fryer at Denny's

 

 **AyAyRon:** I can hear John Travolta trying to hit high notes I swear

 

 **AyAyRon:** Please take your rat's nest out of my face and find a new stylist hunty

 

 **Peggles:** I-

 

 **J. Laur:** gUYS

 

 **irlANGEL:** W HO POING

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I wasn't expecting that

 

 **Elizard:** NOBODY WAS 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Save his soul

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** OkaY I WANNA GO AT HIM

 

 **SmolHamMan:** OH fuck this leave me beee

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **left the chat**

 

 _**Herc Nochilligan** _ **added _SmolHamMan_ to the chat**

 

 **Herc Nochilligan** **:** Take this asswhoopin that you are about to receive because you KNOW you deserve it

 

 **Laflyette:** FUCKING SAVE HIM

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Now Alex

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** There are so many things I can say about you but I'll start small

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Now I'll spare your looks

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Since Burr already took care of that for me

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** But because of that I have bring out my List of Alexander's Fuck-Ups

 

 **Laflyette:** He pulled out aN ACTUAL LIST

 

 **Laflyette:**  DAMN ALEX WHY IS IT SO LONG

 

 **Laflyette:** Add a sex joke to that and I'll fucking kill you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Noted

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Okay so I skimmed the list

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** And if we aren't doing looks then that cuts my list down by like 1/4

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Meaning the next topic is hobbies and BOI do I have a lot of complaints

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** First off: You can't clean for SHIT

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Everyone, listen while I describe the current condition of his dorm

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex babe you're fucked

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wow John I love you too

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Shut

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Anyway

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** On Laf's side of the dorm, everything is neat

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:**  Their bed is made, clothes are put away, no food or anything ANYWHERE because they like being sanitary if you haven't noticed

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:**  Now our dear, dear, sweet Alexander lives like a literal pig

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** There are cup noodles under his bed

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** There are piles of clothes on his actual bed that he refuses to put away

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Matter of fact, take this picture

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:**   _alxndrhamilhog.png_

 

 **irlANGEL:** I,,,,,,,,

 

 **T.Jeffersinn:** Am disgusted

 

 **Elizard:** Is that a pizza box

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** From three nights ago yes

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** And those takeout boxes are about a week old

 

 **J. Laur:** Babe how the hell-

 

 **Peggles:** My room looks clean compared to this tf

 

 **JemMads:** Oh

 

 **JemMads:** Oh no

 

 **AyAyRon:** Wow Alex your room is as messy as your life

 

 **AyAyRon:** Bet even if we threw everything out we wouldn't be able to find your morals

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I am actually being bullied today I hate this

**Herc Nochilligan:** Damn Burr you're back with the heat

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Anyway, that's not even the beginning 

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Alex when you sleep you grind your teeth s o o o o loud

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** I wake up thinking we left the garbage disposal on

 

 ** **Herc Nochilligan:**** AND you have the nerve to snore like who even are you

 

 ** **Herc Nochilligan:**** I'm surprised I can even sleep with you, and that's only if you crash and pass out

 

 ** **Herc Nochilligan:**** Did I also mention how loud you are?

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Because I SWEAR every time you open your mouth a poor kid goes deaf

 

 ** **Herc Nochilligan:**** Do you call that singing or being brutally murdered

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Honestly your worst trait is your laziness

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** The saying "A cow at rest stays at rest" is probably based off of you

 

 ** **Herc Nochilligan:**** Somebody must've dreamed about your ass and woke up in the middle of the night just to write a saying about you

 

 ** **Herc Nochilligan:**** I'll spare you the rest of the list since I need a good amount of shit to talk

 

 ** **Herc Nochilligan:**** But long story short you're a hot effin mess and you make me want to slam my head in a door repeatedly for ten years

 

 **Laflyette:** Wow Hercules kept it mild

 

 **SmolHamMan:** THAT WAS M I L D?!?!??????? ???!!!

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Oh very

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I don't think anybody can be worse than Herc

 

 **SmolHamMan:** COME AT ME

 

 **Laflyette:** Oh really

 

 **Laflyette:** OH R E A L L Y

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Laf's rubbin their hands together get ready

 

 **Laflyette:** Alexander I'm sorry to say that your fashion sense is absolute SHIT

 

 **Laflyette:** I've seen some five year olds with better style

 

 **Laflyette:** Even JOHN ADAMS dresses better than you and you know how much I HATE his fashion choices

 

 **Laflyette:** I will gladly pay you to burn half of your wardrobe

 

 **Laflyette:** And then I'd pay you AGAIN just so you'd let me buy all of your clothes for the rest of your life

 

 **Laflyette:** You know I have the money to throw away on you and you won't let me which is fucking stupid but whatever floats your boat

 

 **Laflyette:** Who's next

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Why are we friends

 

 **Laflyette:** <3

 

 **JemMads:** If I'm being honest Alex is the most controversial person I know

 

 **JemMads:** I'm surprised he hasn't ended up in jail yet

 

 **Peggles:**  Can I just say that every time Alex takes off his shoes I gag a little

 

 **Peggles:** I want to burn his sneakers and dump the ashes in his bed 

 

 **Peggles:** No scratch that I want to burn his feet

 

 **Peggles:** I swear those things have never seen a pedicure

 

 **irlANGEL:** Do you guys remember that time Alex made a complete fool of himself

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You mean all the time

 

 **irlANGEL:** Good point

 

 **irlANGEL:** I mean that last big party we had

 

 **irlANGEL:** Where he said some rather "unsavory" things about Mr. Washington

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Oh my god that was hilarious

 

 **Elizard:** I remember that

 

 **Elizard:** Poor Alex was so embarrassed once he sobered up

 

 **Washingdone:** What did he say about me?

 

 **J. Laur:** Speak of the devil and he shall appear

 

 **SmolHamMan:** HEY NO WE AREN'T SHARING THAT

 

 **Washingdone:** Alexander what did you say about me?

 

 **irlANGEL:** Well...

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hey Lafayette had brought it up so if we expose me they have to get exposed to

 

 **Laflyette:** Angelica shut yOUR MOUTH

 

 **irlANGEL:** Okay fair

 

 **irlANGEL:** Sorry GWash maybe another time

 

 **T.** **Jeffersinn:** Did Hamilton ever tell you guys about that time he dyed half his head bright orange

 

 **Peggles:** WHAT NO

 

 **SmolHamMan:** S H U T T H E F U C K U P

 

 **J. Laur:** Wait when was this

 

 **JemMads:** A month or two ago actually

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I have pictures

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** alexmorelikeclownexlol.png

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** whofuckedhimup.png

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** potentialblackmail.png

 

 **Laflyette:** WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS ANYMORE ALEXANDER

 

 **Washingdone:** Son I-

 

 **Washingdone:** No you have lost your son privileges

 

 **Washingdone:** This is just bad

 

 **J. Laur:** BBY Y

 

 **AyAyRon:** Holy shit

 

 **Elizard:** Put me in a coffin

 

 **irlANGEL:** IM SAVING ALL OF THESEE SUCK IT

 

 **SmolHamMan:** It was a PHASE

 

 **J. Laur:** I'M SORRY,,,

 

 **J. Laur:** BUT YOU HAVING TRAFFIC CONE HAIR IS NOT A PHASE ITS FUCKING STUPID

 

 **J. Laur:** HOW DID I EVER HAVE SEX WITH YOU WHAT

 

 **J. Laur:** IM DATING MARLIN FROM FINDING NEMO GUYS HELPPPP

 

 **J. Laur:** CUT OFF MY SCHLONG

 

 **Laflyette:** Tag urself I'm "TRAFFIC CONE HAIR IS NOT A PHASE ITS FUCKING STUPID"

 

 **Washingdone:** ^^^

 

 **Peggles:**  I'm how did I ever have sex with you what

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'm "cut off my schlong"

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Okay same

 

 **SmolHamMan:** This family is toxic tf

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm leavinggg

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Laflyette:** Shit he won't let me add him backk

 

 **J. Laur:** Same

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yeah he blocked all of us

 

 **Washingdone:** How long will this take

 

 **Elizard:** Until tomorrow

 

 **Elizard:** Then he'll steal John's phone and add himself back

 

 **Peggles:** Does that mean it's over

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Seems like it

 

 **JemMads:** Thank god I want to go back to sleep

 

 **AyAyRon:** James its only like 12:30 in the pm

 

 **JemMads:** I don't care

 

 **JemMads:** My allergies are killing me

 

 **JemMads:** So I'm gonna avoid being alive

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** He turned off his phone guys he'll talk later

 

 **Laflyette:** HErcules come to my dorm

 

 **Laflyette:** We can ;;)

 

 **Elizard:** BARRF

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** At the door open the hecc up

 

 **J. Laur:** JEEz at least WAIT before you start undressing god

 

 **J. Laur:** Herc I'm going back to our dorm

 

 **J. Laur:** Alexander would treat me so much better

 

 **irlANGEL:** No he won't

 

 **J. Laur:** Shit you right

 

 **irlANGEL:** Speaking of which I have to tell you guys something

 

 **irlANGEL:** So I've been dating this girl

 

 **J. Laur:** FUCKING KNEW IT

 

 **irlANGEL:** Wait what

 

 **Elizard:** You aren't very good at being discreet Ang

 

 **Peggles:** Especially not when you're giggling at 2 am on the phone

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** We all knew

 

 **Washingdone:** I never knew this

 

 **AyAyRon:** We never told you

 

 **AyAyRon:** Anyway who is she

 

 **irlANGEL:** Maria Reynolds

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I thought she looked familiar

 

 **Laflyette:** Taking a break to say congrats mon ami

 

 **Laflyette:** That's from both Herc and I

 

 **Laflyette:** Oops gotta zayn

 

 _ **Laflyette**_   **left the chat**

 

 **Elizard:**  Ignoring that

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh shit I know her

 

 **J. Laur:** More like Alex knows her

 

 **J. Laur:** Remember Eliza

 

 **Elizard:** I don't underst-WAIT NO YEAH I DO

 

 **Elizard:**  Nobody tell Alexx yet

 

 **irlANGEL:** Now you know why I didn't tell him

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Whoa okay what'd I miss

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Why is Alex knowing bad

 

 **AyAyRon:** ^^^

 

 **Peggles:** Well I'm darn diddly confused

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'll explain later

 

 **irlANGEL:** I gotta go be gay so byee

 

 **Elizard:** Tell Maria I said hi!!!!

 

 **J. Laur:** ^^^

 

 **irlANGEL:** I will!!!!

 

 _**irlANGEL** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Elizard:** Peggy let's go out for sibling bonding time

 

 **Peggles:** Shit fam what upp

 

 **Washingdone:** You kids take care

 

 **Peggles:** You know we won't

 

 **J. Laur:** Everybody's leaving so Imma go be homo with my boyfriend

 

 **J. Laur:** Don't do anything I wouldn't do

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Why would we want to

 

 **J. Laur:** Good point

 

 **AyAyRon:** I was gonna complain but Theo is over so-

 

 _**AyAyRon** _ **left the chat**

**T. Jeffersinn:** Wow adieu to you too

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh James is calling

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Later taters

 

 _**T. Jeffersinn** _ **left the chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I got that out of the way. Writing roasts is hard to do when you're an overly nice person. Luckily that's me only part of the time.
> 
> Next chapter: We meet lil' miss Maria and Alexander goes batshit insane


	7. Enter Maria

_**SmolHamMan** _ **sent a message to group chat _The Great Roasting of A.Ham™_**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I still can't believe Laf did that

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wait

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **changed group name to _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Better

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Anyway I can't believe Laf did that

 

 **irlANGEL:** Alex the 4th was literally 9 days ago

 

 **Elizard:** We know what Laf did

 

 **Peggles:** And frankly we're tired of hearing it so shut up

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Haters

 

 **Laflyette:** Honestly mon ami I'm tired of hearing it too

 

 **Laflyette:** And I did it so

 

 **Laflyette:** You need to stop

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Well I'm sorry that you have to live with your mistakes

  

 **SmolHamMan:** Next time don't dye your hair the color of the American Flag

  

 **SmolHamMan:** And remember to think twice before covering your whole dorm room in flags

  

 **SmolHamMan:** Or offering a lap dance in your AMERICAN FLAG BIKINI

  

 **SmolHamMan:** All I'm saying was that the 4th was fucking wild

 

 **J. Laur:** How much did you pay John Adams to be Uncle Sam

 

 **Laflyette:** Nothing actually

 

 **Laflyette:** He owed me a favor 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:**  Who doesn't owe you a favor

 

 **JemMads:** I don't 

 

 **Elizard:** Neither do I

 

 **Herc Nochilligan:** Honestly I think everyone does except for those two

 

 **Washingdone:** Martha doesn't owe you anything, does she?

 

 **Laflyette:** Of course not

 

 **Laflyette:** She's done so much for me already

 

 **AyAyRon:** Luckily I don't owe them a favor

 

 **irlANGEL:** I do but we'll talk about it later

 

 **irlANGEL:** I have an announcement to make

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Is this about that girl you go down on every night because John already told me

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm so happy our little Angel is finally growing up and getting laid

 

 **Peggles:** Hey that's my line

 

 **Peggles:** And what happened to not telling Alex 

 

 **Peggles:** Huh Laurens

 

 **J. Laur:** I only confirmed that Ang was dating 

 

 **J. Laur:** Never gave a name

 

 **irlANGEL:** So loyal John this is why you're my favorite

 

 **Peggles:** Rude

 

 **irlANGEL:** Sorry sweaty

 

 **irlANGEL:** Anyway I want to introduce her to y'all

 

 _**irlANGEL** _ **added _Prada.Mama_ to the chat**

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Yo guys what it do

 

 **Peggles:**  What do you want it to do?

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  Make me dinner and buy me expensive jewelry

 

 **Peggles:** Relatable

 

 **Peggles:** Anyways I'm Peggy, Angelica's youngest sibling, they/them pronouns

 

 **Peggles:** Respect them

 

 **irlANGEL:** Peggy don't scare my gf away I actually like her

 

 **Prada.Mama:** No I actually like that 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Peggy you're pretty cool

 

 **Elizard:** And you know me so I'll skip the introductions and say welcome

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  Yes Eliza hello to you too

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Who are the rest of y'all lovely people that Angelica goes on about?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Aw you talk about us

 

 **irlANGEL:** Not in a nice way I promise

 

 **Laflyette:** Bonjour my name is Lafayette, pronouns are they/them

 

 **Laflyette:** It's so nice to meet you

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Hercules Mulligan, tailor's apprentice, and dating Laf up there

 

 **AyAyRon:** Aaron Burr, nice to meet you

 

 **J. Laur:** John Laurens, but we've met

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Thomas Jefferson, the pleasure is mine

 

 **JemMads:** James Madison

 

 **Washingdone:** Professor Washington, but I'm sure you know that.

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And I, the gf of my dear great friend, am Alexander Hamilton

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Nice to finally meet who Angel here has been doing the diddly with

 

 **Prada.Mama:** It's so nice to meet all of you

 

 **Prada.Mama:** But not Alex

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I'm Maria Reynolds, formerly Maria Lewis before I majorly fucked up in life but everything is good now

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Holy shit

 

**_SmolHamMan_ left the chat**

 

 **J. Laur:** And there he goes

 

 **irlANGEL:** He took that surprisingly well

  

 **irlANGEL:** Wait nvm he's texting me

 

 **irlANGEL:** Brb y'all

 

\--                                                                                      

 

**_SmolHamMan_ sent a message to chat  _Smartest in the Room_**

  

 **SmolHamMan:** Angelica Schuyler what the actual fuck

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Why didn't you warn me oh my god

 

 **irlANGEL:** Because I knew you'd react like this anyway

  

 **irlANGEL:** Is this going to be a problem, Alexander?

  

 **irlANGEL:** Because we can gladly never talk to each other again

 

 **SmolHamMan:** No no no that's not what I meant it's just

 

 **SmolHamMan:** HOLY SHIT

  

 **SmolHamMan:** Never expected it but makes sense

  

 **SmolHamMan:** I've just been avoiding her ever since The Incident

  

 **irlANGEL:** And how long has it been

  

 **SmolHamMan:** A year and a half I think

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Anyway I'm really happy for you and I hope she makes you happy

 

 **SmolHamMan:** In more ways than one ;)

 

\--  

  

 _**irlANGEL** _ **sent a message to group chat _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **irlANGEL:** Alright everything is settled

 

 _**irlANGEL** _ **added _SmolHamMan_ to the chat**

  

 **irlANGEL:** Maria babe welcome to my fucked up but okay family

  

 **Prada.Mama:** It's nice to be with you all

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Even you Alex

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yeah yeah whatever

 

 **AyAyRon:** Okay could someone shed some light on this situation because a lot of us are confused

 

 **J. Laur:** Right 

 

 **J. Laur:** Who wants to tell this tale

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I might as well

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Things happened about a year and a half ago when I was stuck in a rut in my life

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I was stressing over a bunch of unimportant shit and had decided to go party because hey what relieves stress better than booze am I right

 

 **SmolHamMan:** So there was this party across campus that I went to, which is where I met Maria

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Turns out we were both there to escape some stressful situations and we just

 

 **SmolHamMan:** We slept together for the first time that night

 

 **Peggles:** How many times after that

 

 **Prada.Mama:** About three months

 

 **Prada.Mama:** And then something happened with my ex, Alex paid him off, and we stopped talking

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Mainly because I thought he fell off the face of the earth

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I was avoiding her

  

 **SmolHamMan:** But yeah that's the whole thing

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** So that's the story

 

 **JemMads:** I am surprisingly not surprised 

 

 **JemMads:** Look at that

 

 **Washingdone:** As long as everything is sorted out

 

 **Washingdone:** Welcome to the chat Maria

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Thx GWash

 

 **J. Laurs:** Literally only you and Alex call him that and you're new to the group

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I have my ways

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Plus who could say no to this face?

 

 **Prada.Mama:**   _doggofilter.png_

 

 **Laflyette:** Wow,,,

 

 **Laflyette:** I LOVE YOUR EYELINER BE MY NEW WIFE

 

 **Peggles:** She used a meme Laf she's my wife back off

  

 **T. Jeffersinn:** But your hair??? What conditioner do you use for those curls???

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Shhh I'll be both of your wives

 

 **Prada.Mama:** And it's Ogx Quenching Coconut Curls conditioner

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I really like Maria 

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yeah so do I

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Now we must follow tradition

 

 **JemMads:** We have a tradition???

 

 **Laflyette:** Yea

 

 **Laflyette:** Whenever there's a new member of the squad, Alexander and I throw a slumber party at our dorm room

 

 **J. Laur:** That makes sense actually

 

 **Elizard:** It explains all of those constant parties we had there

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I never had one

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh no you did we just never invited you

 

 **JemMads:** I remember that

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Anyway Laf and I got snacks

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Y'all bring a favorite movie, your jammies, and a blanket or something because once you arrive you can never leave

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Chill

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I'm already here does that mean I have to help set up

 

 **J.Laur:** ^^^

 

 **Laflyette:** Yes you lazy sacks of shit

 

 **Laflyette:** The latest you can arrive is 6:30

 

 **Laflyette:** Any later and you cannot get in without an offering so plan ahead

 

 **SmolHamMan:** We shall see you soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom another chapter.
> 
> Next chapter: Sleepover Shenanigans


	8. Funsie in Onesies

_**Laflyette** _ **sent a message to group chat _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **Laflyette:** Quick what onesie should I wear

 

 **Laflyette:** Also because I am wearing one it makes them mandatory

 

 **Laflyette:** Cannot get in without one

 

 **Elizard:** Can we bring movies over

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** If you don't then we'll be watching Hercules for eight years and I'll go to an early grave

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Also wear that France one I made you because you look vv cute in it

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Oh my god that's so unfortunate

 

 **irlANGEL:** She actually said "lol that's so fucking great forget bringing anything"

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I never asked to be exposed like this

 

 **Peggles:** None of us ever do

 

 **Peggles:** Also open the door

 

 **Peggles:** Burr and I are here with drinks  

 

 **AyAyRon:** And by drinks she means the nonalcoholic ones

 

 **J. Laur:** K I'm coming

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Why didn't you bring the alcohol? We always do movie nights with alcohol

 

 **AyAyRon:** Maybe because last time I brought it you ended up in the hospital

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I still don't see your point

  

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Laf can I borrow a onesie 

 

 **Laflyette:** Bring me more liquid eyeliner and dirt on Angelica and you've got yourself a deal

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** If that's the case then James and I will be there in 5

 

 **irlANGEL:** Wtf rude

 

 **AyAyRon:**  I invited Theo and she'll be over in a minute or two

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh my god I love her she's great

 

 **irlANGEL:** So do I tbh

 

 _**AyAyRon** _ **added** _**Theo.doe.eyes** _ **to the chat**

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Wtf the fuck why am I here

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Burr she's so eloquent I can see why you're dating her

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Oh it's that chat you always tell me about

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** In that case hey nerds how ya doin

 

 **J. Laur:** Theo I'm such a big fan and I love your hair s o much okay thank you

 

 **Laflyette:** You're makeup is so strong and I loathe you but love you for it you do NOT understand

 

 **Laflyette:** Be my honorary wife plz

 

 **Peggles:** No??? She's my wife??? Tf???

 

 **Laflyette:** Why are you always taking my wives Peggy go find your own

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** If I knew I would be worshiped like this I would've joined much sooner

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron why didn't you tell me

 

 **AyAyRon:** Never came up in conversation

 

 **AyAyRon:** Also are you here yet 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:**  Almost and I brought some sugar cookies that I made so shut the hell up and everyone enjoy them

 

 **SmolHamMan:** GUys we are starting sooon

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Also hey Theo nice seeing ya

 

 **irlANGEL:** Maria and I are walking in

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I brought extra onesies too because I like helping people

 

 **irlANGEL:** That's a lie I forced her because I knew someone would forget

 

 **Elizard:** Meanwhile I'm running down the hall in my blue onesie with my name on the pocket and "Schuyler Siblings" on the back

 

 **Peggles:** I'm wearing my matching yellow one

 

 **irlANGEL:** Good because I'm wearing my pink one

 

 **JemMads:** I can't believe you have squad onesies

  

 **JemMads:** Also Alex do you remember our Federalist onesies we got???

  

 **SmolHamMan:** You mean the one I'm wearing now???? Yes

  

 **SmolHamMan:** I can't believe I still fit into it and it's sO SOFT

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex where's my turtle onesie

 

 **SmolHamMan:** On Laf's bed

 

 **Laflyette:** Why is it on my bed

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Because mine was filled with papers

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I'm wearing my bear onesie and bringing in the extra blankets 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I'm here Laf can I have that purple onesie

 

 **Laflyette:** Already out for you mon ami hurry up and bring me my eyeliner

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Done and done

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Alright who isn't here because I'm ready to get started

 

 **Laflyette:** Theo isn't 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I'm outside your door open the fuck up

 

 **Laflyette:** Your offering??

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I bought sugar cookies???

 

 **Laflyette:** Give me the current lipstick you're wearing and we're even

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Oh HELL no

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I'll trade for that pink you wear

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Other than that nothing

 

 **Laflyette:** Hmm

 

 **Laflyette:**  Okay door is open

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** That went better than expected

 

 **J. Laur:** Laf usually puts up a fight when they want something

 

 **Peggles:** To be fair they're easily convinced by makeup

 

 **Laflyette:** True

 

 **Laflyette:** Alright nOW LET"S WATCH A MOVIVE

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** T a r z  a n

 

 **Peggles:** MEET THE ROBINSONS

 

 **irlANGEL:** ^^^

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Lol lame

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Whatever we watch it can't be Twilight

 

 **AyAyRon:** Agreed jesus that plot is bad

 

 **J. Laur:** I don't know I like it

 

 **JemMads:** Yeah the books were great

 

 **SmolHamMan:** We're breaking up John

 

 **T. Jeffersin:** Jemmy wtf is your problem

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Jemmy-

 

 **SmolHamMan:** SNORR

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Idk Jemmy's pretty cute

 

 **JemMads:** Burr your girlfriend is a gift

 

 **AyAyRon:** I know

 

 **irlANGEL:** This is about a movie

 

 **Elizard:** I wanna watch Mulan

 

 **Laflyette:** Hunchback of Notre Dame !!!!

 

 **Laflyette:** !!!!!!

 

 **J. Laur:** I! Wanna! Watch! Finding! Nemo!

 

 **SmolHamMan:** We always watch that John 

 

 **J. Laur:** Your point

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay how about this

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Lion King 1, 2, and 1.5

 

 **Peggles:** !!! I LIKE THAT IDEA

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Since when did you get them all???

 

 **Laflyette:** They were a gift from me

 

 **J. Laur:** He wouldn't stop watching them whenever I came over for three weeks

 

 **J. Laur:** Laf I suffered

 

 **Laflyette:** Soz not soz lol b ye

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay for the LK Trilogy, rt

 

 **Peggles:** RT

 

 **Elizard:** rt

 

 **Prada.Mama:** rt

 

 **irlANGEL:** rt

 

 **JemMads:** RT RT

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** RTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRT

 

 **AyAyRon:** rt^100x10000

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Eh why not

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:**  rt

 

 **J. Laur:** rt I guess as long as we see Nemo

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** RT

 

 **Laflyette:** Rt but only because I don't have Notre Dame w/ me

 

 **SmolHamMan:** OK THE POPCORN IS POPPED THERE ARE COOKIES AND HERC MADE A FORT ON THe FLOOR LET's GOO

 

\--

 

 **J. Laur:** Honestly I hope someone shoves a flaming torch up Scars hairy ass

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Fuck John same

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Where are the tissues GDI

 

 **Peggles:** Used em all suck my ass

 

 **AyAyRon:** Why are you guys sobbing over a cartoon lion

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Stfu Burr I see you wiping tears

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Own up or catch these hands lil Mann

 

 **AyAyRon:**  I 

 

 **AyAyRon:** Am three inches taller than you

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Hakuna your tatas

 

 **irlANGEL:** It's a wonderful phrase

 

 **Elizard:** God pay attention to the movie 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I hope I'm not the only one singing along

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You aren't don't worry

 

\-- 

 

 **Laflyette:** Get off your phones or order pizaa jfc

 

 **JemMads:** Okay what kind

 

 **J. Laur:** Pepperoni, sausage, pineapple

 

 **JemMads:** Got it

 

\--

 

 **J. Laur:** The pizzas here someone go get em

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Aw but it's the best part of the movie tf

 

 **J. Laur:** You're making out with Laf how are you paying attention

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Practice

 

 **SmolHamMan:** John can't go I'm in his lap

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Aaron?

 

 **AyAyRon:** Occupied

 

 **Elizard:** Same

 

 **irlANGEL:** But you're single???

 

 **Peggles:** Did you forget that I, the best cuddler of us Schuyler household, am here?

 

 **irlANGEL:** Shit you right

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Can someone PLEASE go get the pizza I'm starving

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Angie's right there tho

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Had her for lunch

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I'm pretty sure you can relate with John over there

 

 **irlANGEL:** I-

 

 **J. Laur:** I was nEVER apart of this tfff

 

 **Peggles:** Maria platonically marry me plz

 

 **Laflyette:** @Theo ^^^

 

 **JemMads:** You guys are useless 

 

 **JemMads:** I already got the pizza 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** James is the best

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I know he is

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Alex don't tackle my fucking boyfriend just to get to the pizza

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I wasn't 

 

 **Elizard:** What he means is not anymore

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I

 

\--

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Did anyone remember that we start classes again tomorrow

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Because I sure as hell didn't

 

 **Elizard:** sHIT

 

 **Laflyette:** It's okay you can all camp out here

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Laf- a deity among humans

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** And yes I'll platonically marry you 

 

 **Laflyette:** !!!!YESSS!!!!!

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Jesus go to sleep

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Can't tell me what to do 

 

 **irlANGEL:** Commas, they're important

 

 **J. Laur:** SOME OF US HAVE 8AM CLASSES

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** That's you're problem

 

 **Laflyette:** You have 8 am classes too Herc

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** YeAH EVERYONE GO TO SLEEP, GOD

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Can I sleep in my own bed

 

 **irlANGEL:** We are a cuddle pile

 

 **irlANGEL:** You cannot fucking leave it

 

 **Prada.Mama:** She right

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Ugh fine

 

 **J. Laur:** Night y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I decided to add the relevant rooming situations because I confused myself
> 
> -Laf and Alex share a dorm
> 
> -John and Herc share a dorm
> 
> -Burr, Jefferson, and Madison share a dorm
> 
> -Angelica lives off campus in an apartment w/ Theo
> 
> -Maria, Peggy, and Eliza dorm together
> 
> Next Chapter: They brag about teachers, Washington is done, and Adams is ripped a new one


	9. Ew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Alex is not fine. John is not fine. Lafayette is not fine. Hercules is not fine. I mean nobody is ever truly fine in this but those four are a little less fine. And they drag others down with them.

**_irlANGEL_ sent a message to group chat  _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **irlANGEL:** Did anybody remember that poli sci essay thats due today

 

 **irlANGEL:** Shit

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Shit

 

 **JemMads:** Yep

 

 **AyAyRon:**  Yep

 

 **Laflyette:** Merde

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yep lmao

 

 **J. Laur:** Same

 

 **AyAyRon:** Okay I see how Hamilton did it but how you Laurens

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex held me captive until I finished it so I got it done

 

 **J. Laur:** I had a great time

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I wish I could say I don't know what you're talking about

 

 **SmolHamMan:** ;)

 

 **Prada.Mama:** lol gay

 

 **Peggles:** But,,, you are a lesbean

 

 **Prada.Mama:** lol gay

 

 **Elizard:** Alright then

 

 **Elizard:** Anyway who's your poli sci teacher

 

 **Laflyette:** Washington is

 

 **Laflyette:** Brb gonna seduce him

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** nO YoU ARE NoT

 

 **Laflyette:** Then somebody better ask him for an extension

 

 **Laflyette:** Not it

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Not it

 

 **irlANGEL:** Not it

 

 **irlANGEL:** Fuck

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex you do it for them

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wait why me

 

 **J. Laur:** Because you're practically a son to him?????

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But? So? Is? Laf?????

 

 **Laflyette:** He likes you more tho you can just t e l l

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Hamilton please help us

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Do not like you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Therefore

 

 **SmolHamMan:** No

 

 **Elizard:** Look I'll do it

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Best of Wives, Best of Women  <33333

 

 **Elizard:** This isn't for you Alexander this is for my troubled sister

 

 **irlANGEL:** Aww sweaty I love you

 

 **Elizard:** Love you too brb

 

\--

 

 _**Elizard** _ **sent a message to chat _Emergency Washington_**

 

 **Elizard:** Sir, I am sorry to bother you, but some of the others in the group need an extension on the essay you assigned them?

 

 **Washingdone:** Who specifically?

 

 **Elizard:** Angelica, Thomas, and Lafayette.

 

 **Washingdone:** Tell them that they have an extra day.

 

 **Elizard:** Thank you, Washington!

 

 **Washingdone:** Anytime, Eliza.

 

\--

 

 _**Elizard** _ **sent a message to _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **Elizard:** Done

 

 **Elizard:** It's due tomorrow

 

 **Elizard:** Where is my praise????

 

 **irlANGEL:** Best of Schuylers

 

 **Laflyette:** MERCI BEAUCOUP ELIZA

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I definitely owe you my life

 

 **Elizard:** I don't want your life but I'll take 2 extra large meatlover's pizzas to dorm 701B around 5 this afternoon

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Deal

 

 **J. Laur:** It is 7:50 I hope those of you with 8 AM classes already left

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Have fun at your art classes bby I love you

 

 **J. Laur:** Luv u 2 bby grl

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Do ever see something so cute you want to puke because this is it

 

 **Laflyette:** I hope that everybody who doesn't belong here already left because I need to clean before my classes start

 

 **AyAyRon:** We evacuated when we heard you go into the kitchen with Hercules so

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Mind you I had to beg Peggy to let me stay over in their dorm

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Give more of a warning

 

 **Laflyette:** I think me screaming "I'm nutting my boyfriend" is warning enough

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** He be right on the money

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Don't you guys have classes to prepare for

 

 **Laflyette:** Right

 

\--

 

 **J. Laur:** Thomas Paine is the best English teacher tbh

 

 **irlANGEL:** rt

 

 **SmolHamMan:** rt

 

 **Laflyette:** But Ben Franklin tho

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** What does he even teach

 

 **AyAyRon:** Everything basically the man's a genius

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh shit Burr has an opinion that I agree with!!!!!

 

 **SmolHamMan:** H i d e he has beliefs

 

 **AyAyRon:** I believe you're being a douchebag but that's nothing new

 

 **irlANGEL:** ouch,,,

 

 **J. Laur:** I can feel the pain oh my god

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Why are you guys texting in class

 

 **irlANGEL:** Babe you are right next to me tf

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I-

 

 **Prada.Mama:** No comment

 

\--

 

 **Laflyette:** I love Von Steuben so much

 

 **Laflyette:** Like he's the teacher I would do the sex with if I was single

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Ignoring that 

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Isn't he the French teacher??

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Yes and he's the best teacher

 

 **J. Laur:** He makes everything so fun 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** rt rt rt rt rt rt rt

 

 **Peggles:** Aren't you all practically fluent in French

 

 **J. Laur:** Nearly

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Same

 

 **Laflyette:** I have free time so I always come to help and gossip

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm here for John tbh

 

 **J. Laur:** <333

 

 **SmolHamMan:** <333

 

 **Peggles:** Ew

 

\--

 

 **irlANGEL:** Eliza thank you again for talking to Washington for us

 

 **Laflyette:** Oui you are a true lifesaver

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** A gift from the heavens

 

 **Elizard:** Don't worry about it I'm always here for my fans

 

 **JemMads:** Did anybody just see the novel that Alex just submitted

 

 **J. Laur:**  M PSSnG

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** NO BUT LOOK AT WASHINGTON

 

 **Elizard:** Is he okay?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Lol no

 

 **SmolHamMan:** He kind of just sighed really loudly and put his head down on his desk

 

 **J. Laur:** I did the same thing tbh

 

 **Washingdone:** Alexander what was the word limit

 

 **SmolHamMan:** No more than five pages

 

 **Washingdone:** And how many pages is this

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Idk fifteen I think

 

 **irlANGEL:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

 

 **J. Laur:** It's a curse without a cure

 

 **Washingdone:** Give me five minutes please

 

 _**Washingdone** _ **left the chat**

 

 **J. Laur:** Okay now he walked out of class I think Alexander broke him

 

 **J. Laur:** Or is a least close to breaking him

 

 **JemMads:** Working with him can have that effect

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** While this is going on Martha Washington's just walked out of Home Ec.

 

 **Elizard:** He's right

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** It's because Washington is outside

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Ohmg Alex he looks really exhausted what did you do

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I will not apologize

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Well looks like Washington is staying with us

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** He just called his temporary sub so John Adams should be there soon

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh HELL NO

 

\--

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I hate John Adams so fucking much dear lord

 

 **J. Laur:** Class was great

 

 **Peggles:** What happened

 

 **JemMads:** First Adams arrived like halfway through class

 

 **JemMads:** Then when he started teaching it made like 0 sense I was so lost

 

 **J. Laur:** So Alexander goes to correct him which results in an argument

**irlANGEL:** Which included Alex finally telling Adams to "John shut the FUCK up because you know absolute jackshit"

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Oh my god

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh but that's not all

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** He got up and started teaching the class himself because he always reads ahead anyway

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** And when he was asking for questions he tossed his fucking journal at Burr's head 

 

 **AyAyRon:** I was texting Theo and I knew we would get to this again once Washington was back so I didn't care but answered anyway

 

 **J. Laur:** And a two minutes before class was over he stood up on a desk with the stack of books we needed, screamed "CLASS FUCKING DISMISSED" and tossed the books onto the floor

 

 **irlANGEL:** Washington is going to be even more done than usual when he hears about this

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh I'll be fine


	10. Oh,,,,no

_**SmolHamMan** _ **sent a message to group chat _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Newsflash I wasn't as fine as I thought I would be

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Also Laf meet your new essay helper

 

 **AyAyRon:** What happened?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Washington talked to me about the Adams Situation and told me to help someone with their essay

 

 **SmolHamMan:** At first he suggested Jefferson but I was like

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Ew no wtf

 

 **SmolHamMan:** That's what I said

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But yes I am helping Lafayette now where are they

 

 **Laflyette:** I've been trying to get into our dorm for the past five minutes but something is blocking the door

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oops 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** K come in now

 

 **Laflyette:** Why were you in front of the door

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I was waiting for you to come home 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But laziness kicked in and this happened

 

 **Laflyette:** Aw that's so sweet 

 

 **Laflyette:**  I finished my essay in class and it just needs to be proofread so if you would do the honors

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'd love to

 

 **Peggles:** And that was some of the gayest shit I have ever seen

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I have never seen any gayer friends in my life

 

 **J. Laur:** Me and Herc are way gayer friends okay

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** He's only saying that because I'm teaching him to knit and he decided to sit in my lap

 

 **J. Laur:** Meanwhile Lafayette I hope you appreciate how big his hands are because w o w

 

 **Laflyette:** Oh I do

 

 **irlANGEL:** Hey keep the NSFW to a minimum

 

 **Elizard:** I got you extra time and this is how you treat me

 

 **Elizard:** At least Thomas is doing his essay PS Thanks for the pizzas I've had cravings for about a day now and I needed that

 

 **JemMads:** Who said he was doing any work?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** But I am this time

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I'm writing up my conclusion and then Jemmy is gonna proofread for me and then it's happy go fun time

**JemMads:** Last time I checked you were hanging upside down from your bed and eating barbecue chips

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** That was ten minutes ago

 

 **JemMads:** Five minutes ago

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Okay point is I'm done now so can you proofread it please

 

 **JemMads:** I don't have an actual choice

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Awwwwww gross

 

 **Laflyette:** Theo hi oh my god hello hey yes 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Peggy you're never this enthusiastic with me tf

 

 **Peggles:** We? Live? Together?

 

 **Peggles:** I kiss your cheek whenever you walk through the door and ask about your day what more of a platonic wife do you want

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Good point lol 

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'm dating her how are you two more intoxicatingly cute 

 

 **SmolHamMan:**  That isn't a word

 

 **irlANGEL:** Not the point

 

 **AyAyRon:** Jesus can you all shut up for like ten minutes please me and Theo are busy

 

 **Peggles:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **SmolHamMan:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **J. Laur:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Laflyette:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Not like that y'all are nasty

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** It's spa day and he's doing my nails

 

 **irlANGEL:** Where are you two?

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Apartment

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** You might not want to come home tonight

 

 **AyAyRon:** There's spa stuff literally everywhere and I would like to properly clean before you come home so please stay away

 

 **Prada.Mama:** That's fine with her

 

 **irlANGEL:** Very fine with me

 

 **irlANGEL:** Now everybody go do something I'm busy

 

\--

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **sent a message to chat _Impromptu Waifu_**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Eliza I need your help

 

 **SmolHamMan:** This is a code red moment very red

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Like the red of a thousand suns all burning with the same intensity

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Or the red that Maria wears because that's really fucking red

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Anyway I REALLY NEED HELP WHERE ARE YOU???

 

 **Elizard:** Chill out Alex I'm here

 

 **Elizard:** Aren't you with Lafayette? I'm sure they can help.

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Not when they're the problem

 

 **Elizard:** Is

 

 **Elizard:** Are you having a Gay Meltdown?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Plz help me

 

 **Elizard:** Oh my god you are

 

 **Elizard:** Walk me through it like you did when this was John

 

 **Elizard:** Tell your wife what happened

 

 **SmolHamMan:** OKAY bucckle up because i'm a mess

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Bucckle 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Bucc ;)

 

 **Elizard:** Alexander

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Right sorry

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Alright so Laf and I had finished their essay (which was really good I love the way they write)

 

 **SmolHamMan:** ANd so I'm laying on my bed and playing geometry dash when some loud ass beyonce is on

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I love Bey okay she's queen but the music was just a little too loud

 

 **Elizard:**  Ooh what song was it?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** 7/11 but that's not the point

 

 **SmolHamMan:** The point is they can d a n c e really well

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And their hips move

 

 **SmolHamMan:** REALLY FUCKING WELL

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And these aren't even the beginning of these feelings but these are by far the WORST

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I want to hold them and kiss them and just let them dance *for* me 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I still love John too tho I want both of them

 

 **SmolHamMan:** What do I doooooooo I got it so bad Dr Betsey

 

 **Elizard:** Well for one I think you should talk to John 

 

 **Elizard:** See what he has to say and if he is willing for a polyamorous relationship

 

 **Elizard:** Second you should talk to Lafayette when your ready

 

 **Elizard:** And side-tip I like being called Dr Betsey do that more often

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You're so smart now let's hope I don't fuck this up somehow

 

 **Elizard:** Go get your partner

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Thank's 'Liza

 

\--

 

 _**J. Laur** _ **sent a message to chat _The Wittiest_**

 

 **J. Laur:** I'm sorry to bother you Angelica but I'm in need of the best advice I can get

 

 **irlANGEL:** You flatter me

 

 **irlANGEL:** Is it Alexander?

 

 **J. Laur:** Worse 

 

 **J. Laur:** Hercules

 

 **irlANGEL:** Hercules hurt you?

 

 **irlANGEL:** Want me to make him disappear? I can do that for you

 

 **J. Laur:** It's not like that okay chill 

 

 **irlANGEL:** Then what did he do John?

 

 **J. Laur:** Not much really

 

 **J. Laur:** Except have nice muscles

 

 **J. Laur:** And a cute laugh

 

 **J. Laur:** And always making sure I don't do dumb shit 

 

 **J. Laur:** And he's really sweet??? Nobody would expect that tbh

 

 **J. Laur:** This making any sense?

 

 **irlANGEL:** Are you telling me that you have a not so small crush on Mr. Mulligan

 

 **J. Laur:** YEs I want him to crush my head between his thighs like he's so thicc

 

 **J. Laur:** He THICC

 

 **irlANGEL:** You're a mess Laurens

 

 **J. Laur:** My sister thinks so too

 

 **irlANGEL:** Do you still love Alexander?

 

 **J. Laur:** Of course I do he's my sun

 

 **J. Laur:** But I want Hercules to be my knight y'know

 

 **J. Laur:**  I want him to put the glad in gladiator

 

 **J. Laur:** Cuz he's so sweet, my favorite flavor

 

 **J. Laur:** HERCULES

 

 **J. Laur:** That's off track but honestly it helped to calm me down a bit my Gay Panic is now just a Gay Worry

 

 **irlANGEL:** Okay, so this is what you're gonna do

 

 **irlANGEL:** Talk to your current boyfriend before investing in another one

 

 **irlANGEL:** Then woo Hercules into oblivion so that he'll fall hopelessly in love with you

 

 **irlANGEL:** Boom, advice given, leave me alone

 

 **J. Laur:** I'll remember this

 

\--

 

 _**Herc.Nochilligan** _ **sent a message to chat _Meme Dealers 2k16_**

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Hey Pegs ya got a minute

 

 **Peggles:** I'm stuffing oreo thins into my mouth so make this quick

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I think I'm in love with John

 

 **Peggles:** Hah gay

 

 **Peggles:** Wait shit that's a predicament

 

 **Peggles:** I've never been in a relationship why are you coming to me

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Because you're my best friend besides John so-

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** PLease help I'll do anything

 

 **Peggles:** Okay tell cousin Peggy how long you've had these feelings

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** About a year now?

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** He's just so amazing and talented 

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I want to tailor things for him and just touch him Pegs

 

 **Peggles:** Okay cousin Peggy has had enough of your emotional gay spiel

 

 **Peggles:** First off you need to make sure that John likes you back because wow this is a mess and I know you're still madly in love with Lafayette 

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I am

 

 **Peggles:** Then if that island is safe talk to your datemate because they'd love to hear this

 

 **Peggles:** And once everything is in the bag, you can go the distance to do the succ

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Wtf why am I doing the succ

 

 **Peggles:** Shitt you rite

 

 **Peggles:** Get the succ

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Better

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Thank you Peg Leg 3000

 

 **Peggles:** DOn't mention it Mr. Zero to Hero

 

 **Peggles:** Make sure to put your glad into his gladiator

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** And that's my cue to zayn the fuck outta here

 

\--

 

 _**Laflyette** _ **sent a message to chat _Slayqueens_**

 

 **Laflyette:** Maria Theo I need help

 

 **Laflyette:** I think I'm gonna die

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Woah what's up Frenchie

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Come on boo tell momma Theo all your problems

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Momma Theo and Aunty Maria are here Laffy Taffy

 

 **Laflyette:** Thank god

 

 **Laflyette:** But yes I'm dying because my poly heart can't take not being with Alex any more

 

 **Laflyette:** I know I rant from time to time to time to time to time but this is worse than anything you can think of

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Holy shit what happened

 

 **Prada.Mama:** ^^^^

 

 **Laflyette:** I don't even know one minute I was dancing and next minute I was staring at his awed face and thinking "Fuck I'm screwed"

 

 **Prada.Mama:** HAve you told the tailor dude

 

 **Laflyette:** No I haven't told Hercules

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Explain what is happening to him and go from there

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** If you want a poly relationship you're gonna need his consent

 

 **Prada.Mama:** And who knows maybe he's gay enough for that

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Is there anybody else you've had a panic over

 

 **Laflyette:** John but I handled that one nicely

 

 **Laflyette:** And by that I mean I nearly kissed him during dance the other day but I SKEETED RIGHT OUT OF THERE 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Go get your boys Laf

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** We believe in you

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Now I gotta go and finish Aaron's facial mask and pedicure

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  Be strong for your moms my precious child

 

 **Laflyette:** I love you two so much ohmg thanks

 

 **Prada.Mama:** You're welcome now go get laid

 

 **Prada.Mama:** You gonna get the succ

 

 **Laflyette:** Imma get the succ

 

 **Laflyette:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Laflyette:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Laflyette:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Laflyette:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Stop spamming and go get the succ gdi

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Laflyette:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Oh my god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuXIo_xTmto
> 
> That's the video that I imagine Laf being in okay because I love these dancers
> 
> \--
> 
> Okay so that happened  
> Sorry if this is a little short but hey it was a quick one  
> \--
> 
> Next Chapter: Things do not go as planned but nothing it completely bad yet


	11. The Gay Angst Squad

_**Herc.Nochilligan** _ **added** _**Laflyette, Elizard, irlANGEL, Peggles, Prada.Mama, AyAyRon, Theo.doe.eyes,** _ **JemMads, and _T. Jeffersinn_ to group chat**

 

 _ **Herc.Nochilligan** _ **changed group name to** _**#HelpJohnLaurens2k16** _

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Guys apparently Alex broke up with John

 

 **Laflyette:** He did what-

 

 **Elizard:** HE DID NOT

 

 **irlANGEL:** Oh my god 

 

 **Peggles:** Okay Hercules spill the beans 

 

 **Peggles:** Angelica is here and it wouldn't take long for her to murder Alexander

 

 **Laflyette:**  Yes Hercules explain because I'm about to cut an immigrant

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Idk what happened all I know is I have John in my lap and he's crying into my shoulder

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan** **:**  I'm rocking with him and running my hands through his hair

 

 **Elizard:** I told him specifically not to fuck up and he goes and breaks John's heart

 

 **Elizard:** When I see Alexander again I'm gonna kill him

 

 **AyAyRon:** Does anybody have a clue why

 

 **AyAyRon:** Who talked to him last?

 

 **Elizard:** I did but he said NOTHING about breaking up with him

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I can't believe this is happening 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I really hope he didn't pull a thing like he did with me because I would kill him for that

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** What happened between you two?

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Multiple one night stands caused by stress on both sides

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Are you implying that Alexander cheated on John and then broke up with him out of guilt

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** That doesn't sound like a very Hamilton thing to do

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** He wouldn't have broken up with John if he did cheat

 

 **JemMads:** Please comfort John for all of us Hercules

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I've gotta go

 

 _**Herc.Nochilligan** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Laflyette:**  I want to cry why is everything falling apart 

 

 **Laflyette:** I just want to get my pining over with and now Alexander Hamilton throws the hugest fucking wrench into my plan 

 

 **Laflyette:**  Je suis tellement énervé que je ne peux plus parler anglais

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Laf hon

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Wrong chat

 

 **Laflyette:** Motherfuck

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Again I am left in the dark

 

 **irlANGEL:** Honestly this needs to end I need an explanation Lafayette

 

 **Peggles:** You had plans for something I wanna know what

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Everybody calm down

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Let them speak

 

 **Laflyette:** Thank you Theo

 

 **Laflyette:** To shut all of you up, I'll just admit it

 

 **Laflyette:** I, Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette, am in love with not only Hercules Mulligan, but also John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton

 

 **JemMads:** Oh deary me this is a problem

 

 **Laflyette:** You bet your ass it's a problem

 

 **Laflyette:** What am I supposed to do now?

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yell at Alexander obviously

 

 **Peggles:** I think Eliza is beating us too it

 

\--

 

 _**Elizard** _ **sent a message to group chat _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **Elizard:** What the actual fuck Alexander.

 

 **Elizard:** I am very disappointed in you.

 

 **Elizard:** How DARE you break up with John, the light of your life. 

 

 **Elizard:** You truly had someone special and goddamn it I can't believe you threw it away like that!

 

 **Elizard:** Especially after the conversation we had yesterday. 

 

 **Elizard:**  You better make this right, or else I SWEAR I'll leave you too, and we're only platonic.

 

 **Elizard:** You have three hours.

 

 **J. Laur:** Eliza

 

 **J. Laur:** Don't pressure him I'm fine

 

 **Elizard:** You are not fine. Trust me, he'll fix this because it's in HIS best interest and not mine.

 

 **Elizard:** How are you feeling though, dear? Anything you need?

 

 **J. Laur:** Hercules has me covered actually

 

 **J. Laur:** But thank you

 

 **irlANGEL:** Don't hesitate to ask us for anything 

 

 **irlANGEL:** And just to confirm, that does include everyone

 

 **Laflyette:** John do you know where Alexander went?

 

 **Laflyette:** I need to talk to him and you as well

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Does this talk concern me as well?

 

 **Laflyette:** Yes it does

 

 **Laflyette:** We are going to attempt a verbal conversation after I find Alex

 

 **Laflyette:** Also Alexander, if you see this, come home. I'm not completely mad at you. 

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm going to talk to you because John didn't deserve this

 

 **Laflyette:** And then I'm going to help you fix this 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Thank you, Laf

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And John I am so, so sorry

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hopefully I can explain why I did this when we meet in an hour or two

 

 **J. Laur:** It better be a godly explanation then

 

 **SmolHamMan:** It will be

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I hope

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **left the chat**

 

 **Laflyette:** He just walked through the door

 

 **Laflyette:** Give me a moment

 

 _**Laflyette** _ **left the chat**

 

 **JemMads:** Today is hectic as all hell

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Rt

 

 **irlANGEL:** It cannot get any worse than this

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Actually....

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Oh my god what is it now

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** It's nothing just a thought

 

\--

 

 _**Herc.Nochilligan** _ **sent a message to group chat _Meme Dealers 2k16_**

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Peggy I kissed John okay I gotta go now bye

 

 **Peggles:** No you are NOT leaving

 

 _**Peggles** _ **added** _**Theo.doe.eyes, Prada.Mama, irlANGEL,**  _ **and _Elizard_ to the group chat**

 

 **Peggles:** Guys help this gay shit he kissed John

 

 **Elizard:** I do not want to chew somebody else out today okay

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** That's actually a really good thing Laf will be kind of glad

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'm sorry what

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Yeah what

 

 **Prada.Mama:** So they didn't explain it to you yet Herc?

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Explain what to me

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Long story short our baguette child is a poly mess and has been pining after John and Alex forever

 

 **Prada.Mama:** He wants to be in a committed relationship with all three of you

 

 _ **Herc.Nochilligan**  _ **added _J. Laur_ to the chat**

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** @ John read above

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh my god

 

 **Elizard:** Funny because Alexander is having the same problem

 

 **J. Laur:** Are you telling me he broke up with me because of Gay Panic

 

 **Elizard:** More like a Bisexual Anxiety yes

 

 **J. Laur:** I don't know whether to be mad or relieved

 

\--

 

 _**Theo.doe.eyes** _ **sent a message to group chat _Slayqueens_**

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** You are closer to getting the succ my friend

 

 **Laflyette:** What do you mean

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I'll add you to the chat

 

\--

 

 _**Theo.doe.eyes** _ **added _Laflyette_ to the chat**

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Read everything above

 

 **Laflyette:** Hercules,,,

 

 **Laflyette:** I'll forgive you this one time but normally I'd be so mad right now

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** But you're still mad right?

 

 **Laflyette:** Oh of course

 

 **Laflyette:** You technically cheated on me and that's not something I will have

 

 **Laflyette:** You're in for a tongue-lashing

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Kinky

 

 **Laflyette:** Very 

 

 **Peggles:** Well I'm happy that was sorted out

 

 **Elizard:** I need a nap

 

 **Laflyette:** Alexander and I are on our way

 

 **Laflyette:** Is that okay John?

 

 **J. Laur:** It is

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I cannot wait for all of this to end

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Now everybody leave this is Pegshire and I's personal chat

 

 **Peggles:** Scram scrublords

 

 **irlANGEL:** You don't have to tell me twice

 

_**irlANGEL, Elizard, J. Laur, Theo.doe.eyes,** _ **and _Prada.Mama_ left the chat**

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Peggy?

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Thank you

 

 **Peggles:** Any time

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (I use Google Translate so these may not be the most accurate):
> 
> Je suis tellement énervé que je ne peux plus parler anglais- I'm so pissed off I can't speak english anymore
> 
> \--
> 
> Well looks like everything is on the road to recovery. And yes, I have noticed this is a little (more like very very very) out of character. I offer no apologies, nor an explanation. 
> 
> Next chapter: Everything turns out fine and things go back to normal
> 
> I might add a small arc to this if any of y'all are interested.


	12. Sappy Relationship Goals

_**SmolHamMan** _ **sent a message to group chat** _**Ham Spam Wham Bam** _

 

 **SmolHamMan:** That was pleasant

 

 **J. Laur:**  Rt

 

 **Laflyette:** Rt

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Rt x12

 

 **irlANGEL:** Well that's a relief

 

 **Elizard:** Very

 

 **Elizard:** Alexander I'm sorry for going at your throat like that

 

 **Elizard:** It wasn't like me at all 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yeah you scared me a little bit 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** But we're cool 

 

 **Elizard:** Thank you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Don't question it Lizard

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Well I'm sorry to impose on this moment but does this mean y'all are gonna act 4x more sappy

 

 **Laflyette:** Now Thomas don't be ridiculous

 

 **Laflyette:** 16x sappy is how I do things

 

 **T. Jefersinn:** I'm gonna puke

 

 **JemMads:** I think it's adorable

 

 **JemMads:** It would be nice if you were that sappy with me

 

 **JemMads:**  I feel pretty underappreciated to be frankly honest 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** This chat is so gay I want to cry it's so beautiful

 

 **irlANGEL:** I love you bby

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  Aw bby i luv u 2

 

 **Peggles:** Tfw you're surrounded by couples

 

 **AyAyRon:** Relatable

 

 **Peggles:** But you're in a relationship

 

 **AyAyRon:** Theo is busy so I am lonely af

 

 **Peggles:** Wanna get McDonald's 

 

 **AyAyRon:** Oh hell yess

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** OH bring me back a big mac

 

 **AyAyRon:** I forgot I room with you

 

 **AyAyRon:** James you want anything?

 

 **JemMads:** Chocolate milkshake and a chicken wrap with a large fry please

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'm at the door give me the money

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  I want somethinggggggg

 

 **Peggles:** But you're at Angelisnake's place

 

 **irlANGEL:** I can read this

 

 **Peggles:** I know that's why I said it

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Anyway no she's at our dorm so get us something and we'll pay you back

 

 **irlANGEL:** Please Pegs I haven't eaten in three days

 

 **Peggles:** You literally had chinese takeout with us last night

 

 **irlANGEL:** That is not the point

 

 **Peggles:** Fine what do you want

 

 **irlANGEL:** And don't say Maria

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I want,,,,,, two orders of large fries and a two burgers and a large coke thx love

 

 **irlANGEL:** 2 orders of 20 piece nuggets and a sprite plz

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I cnnt blve ths

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Angelica marry me

 

 **Peggles:** Can we do that later

 

 **Peggles:** Eliza do you want anything

 

 **Elizard:** No,,,

 

 **irlANGEL:** She is vibrating please get her something

 

 **Elizard:**  I can't though

 

 **Elizard:** I've eaten mcDonald's three times this week I do not need anymore

 

 **Peggles:** I eat it almost everyday and you see how great I am

 

 **Elizard:** You threw up two nights ago

 

 **Peggles:** Stomach bug

 

 **Elizard:** Fine get me the same order as James

 

 **JemMads:** I feel honored to be eating the same order as Eliza Schuyler

 

 **Elizard:** Awwwwwwwwwww aww aww awwwwwwww

 

 **AyAyRon:** Stop this

 

 **AyAyRon:** Peggy I am outside hurry up plz

 

 **J. Laur:** I want McDonald's tf

 

 **Peggles:** Ha too bad get if yourself

 

 **J. Laur:** Can't idk where my pants are

 

 **Laflyette:** Rt

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Rt

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Rt

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I feel that on a deep level rtrtrtrtrt

 

 **JemMads:** Rt

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You are literally sitting next to me I can see you wearing pants

 

 **JemMads:** I don't want to be

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Then don't

 

 **JemMads:** That's the smartest thing you've said all day

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I want to go commando

 

 **irlANGEL:** Tmi

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm already commando so go for it

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Honestly I relate to that

 

 **Peggles:** Theo Aaron said hi

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Hiya babe I miss you sososo much

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Where are you anyway

 

 **Laflyette:** ^^^ ???

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Oh I was shopping in town

 

 **AyAyRon:** Why? Didn't? You? Tell? Me?

 

 **irlANGEL:** AREN'T YOU DRIVING MY KID SIBLING SOMEWHERE

 

 **Peggles:** We're in the parking lot of MD chill

 

 **irlANGEL:** Lol k chill

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Because I'm getting something for you 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** It's a surprise

 

 **AyAyRon:** Aw honey now I need to get you something

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** No you don't

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** You know I don't like gifts

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** You don't???

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Not really no

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Never saw the point

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Like yeah you care about me I don't need items to know

 

 **AyAyRon:** She still appreciates it when I get her things though

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** He doesn't give me the reciepts to return any of it so

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I don't have a choice

 

 **AyAyRon:** Okay but what about that necklace I got for you?

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** The one with that matching bracelet you have

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I cried when you got it for me I didn't expect it and I wear it everyday

 

 **AyAyRon:** I love you so much Theodosia Provest

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** And I love you Aaron Burr

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** With my entire heart and thensome

 

 **Peggles:** This makes me want a relationship oh my godd

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I'm choking up you two are so adorable

 

 **irlANGEL:** Aaron and Theo win the most romantic relationship award

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wait is this a competition now

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Why was I not informed I don'r understand

 

 **JemMads:** Tom we aren't that romantic let it go

 

 **Laflyette:** Are there other awards?

 

 **irlANGEL:** Of course

 

 **irlANGEL:** Example being the Schuylers

 

 **Peggles:** We win the best sibling relationship

 

 **Prada.Mama:** You guys are the only siblings here

 

 **Elizard:**  Default win

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Fair

 

 **irlANGELICA:** Most aesthetically pleasing relationships

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** No offense but that's us even before we were actually together

 

 **J. Laur:** That's true

 

 **J. Laur:** We did aesthetically sappy things all the time

 

 **Laflyette:**   _bowlingbabes.png_

 

 **Peggles:** WHEN DID YOU GO BOWLING W H A T

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Two, three weeks ago????

 

 **Laflyette:** It was really fun I enjoyed it

 

 **J. Laur:** He only says that cuz he won

 

 **Elizard:** Who took second place?

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Alex

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:**  He's scary good I was worried 

 

 **J. Laur:** Hercules lost

 

 **Laflyette:** He's still bitter to this day

 

 **irlANGEL:** This picture is so aesthetically pleasing though like

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Look at Lafayette's eye makeup

 

 **Peggles:** Hercules is just HOLDING BOTH ALEX AND JOHN WHAT

 

 **Elizard:** I vote them the most aesthetically pleasing

 

 **irlANGEL:** RT

 

 **Peggles:** RT

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Nobody objects to this I cannot believe

 

 **J. Laur:** Ha suck it

 

 **SmolHamMan:** That's immature John

 

 **irlANGEL:** Very

 

 **irlANGEL:** Next award: Most tame couple

 

 **Laflyette:** Oh that's Thomas and James definitely

 

 **AyAyRon:** James has this leash on Thomas and he always listens whenever things get out of hand

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** That's not particularly true

 

 **JemMads:** It's pretty accurate

 

 **JemMads:** Somebody name a time

 

 **J.Laur:** Remember like three days ago in Washington's class?

 

 **J. Laur:** Alexander and Thomas were arguing about hell knows what

 

 **irlANGEL:** RIGHT OH MY GOD

 

 **irlANGEL:** Okay so Thomas's voice just kept getting louder and louder, with Alexander to follow up

 

 **irlANGEL:** And Thomas was ready to STAND ON THE DESK

 

 **irlANGEL:** But James just like

 

 **irlANGEL:** Patted the back of his thigh and they shared a look

 

 **J. Laur:** Thomas sat down almost immediately and didn't talk until class started

 

 **Peggles:** Why do I not have those classes with you

 

 **Elizard:** You weren't interested in the class and you're a year younger than us

 

 **Elizard:** I can't believe I missed this though I'm upset

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron why don't you tELL ME THINGS

 

 **AyAyRon:** I missed this too don't worry

 

 **irlANGEL:** Okay James and Thomas win the most tame award because they do that all the time tbh

 

 **irlANGEL:** Now for the most sappily domestic relationship?

 

 **Elizard:** The Washingtons

 

 **JemMads:** That's so true it's almost sad

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Summon GWash

 

 **Peggles:** Washingdog

 

 **AyAyRon:** Washingtonian

 

 **J. Laur:** WAAASHINGTOOONNN

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Washywashington

 

 **Laflyette:** George

 

 **JemMads:** Mr. Washington

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Washington

 

 **Elizard:** Mr. Washingtonn

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm adding Martha

 

 _**SmolHamMan** _ **added _Queen Martha_**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** MARTHAAAAAA

 

 **Queen Martha:** AAAALEEEXXX

 

 **Queen Martha:** Hello everyone

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Hi Mrs. Washington!!!

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** MARTHA HEY

 

 **Queen Martha:** Maria! Hercshire!

 

 **JemMads:** Hello 

 

 **Quenn Martha:** Sup James

 

 **J. Laur:** Ey Mrs. Washington!

 

 **Queen Martha:** John, hello son

 

 **J. Laur:** Ew the son card

 

 **J. Laur:** Jk mom how are ya

 

 **Queen Martha:** Can't complain

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** How do you know all of us?? You've never been here???

 

 **Queen Martha:** But? My? Husband? Is?

 

 **Queen Martha:** I read his messages to him when he's too tired to

 

 **Queen Martha:** Also, congratulations on your relationship you four

 

 **Laflyette:** Merci

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Thanks mom

 

 **J. Laur:** ^^

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Thank you Martha

 

 **Queen Martha:** Anyway why am I here

 

 **irlANGEL:** You and Washington are voted cutest domestically sappy relationship and we wanted confirmation

 

 **Queen Martha:** Oh it's true I take complete pride in it

 

 **Elizard:** I told you all

 

 **Elizard:** Also Martha did we have homework for home ec??

 

 **Queen Martha:** Do we ever?

 

 **Elizard:** True

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Do you have anymore knitting/sewing/any patterns for me because I need more please

 

 **Queen Martha:** Of course I do

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Baking recipes???!!?!?!

 

 **Queen Martha:** When don't I?

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I love you Mrs. Washington

 

 **Queen Martha:** It's Martha outside of school

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Hella chill I'm liking this

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Martha my gurrrlll

 

 **Queen Martha:** Theoooooooo

 

 **AyAyRon:** We're back with the McDonalds be near the door

 

 **AyAyRon:** Peggy just CATAPULTED FROM THE CAR WTF

 

 **Peggles:** I'm okay

 

 **Peggles:** The food is safe

 

 **Peggles:** I'm coming upstairs have the door open

 

 **irlANGEL:** What is wrong with you

 

 **Peggles:** A lot of things but that's not important

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Aaron I think James is gonna cry please hurry up

 

 **Queen Martha:** James honey are you okay?

 

 **JemMads:** I just

 

 **JemMads:** Really really love McDonalds okay

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** It's his calming food

 

 **Queen Martha:** I prefer Chick Fil A

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** OKAY BUT SAME

 

 **AyAyRon:** It's so far away though like

 

 **Queen Martha:** Sometimes a 30 min drive is worth is if you wanna feel free

 

 **SnolHamMan:** Rt

 

 **Queen Martha:** Okay funny story time

 

 **Queen Martha:** George just fell from the table

 

 **Queen Martha:** He had fallen asleep there so I kicked his chair and

 

 **Queen Martha:** He just stared at me and left the room

 

 **Washingdone:** So I see you beat them to it

 

 **Queen Martha:** Hello baby~~~

 

 **Washingdone:** Hey doll

 

 **Laflyette:** FUCK tht's so cute i cannottt 

 

 **Queen Martha:** Anyway can we please go out to dinner tonight

 

 **Queen Martha:** You look very stressed and need a break

 

 **Washingdone:** That,,, sounds very tempting

 

 **Washingdone:** Help me grade papers?

 

 **Queen Martha:** Already done

 

 **Queen Martha:** Everyone in here did really well

 

 **Queen Martha:** I really liked Angelica's topic

 

 **Queen Martha:** And Alexander please chill I love my husband and he seemed ready to die

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Noted

 

 **Washingdone:** I am no longer here  I am preparing for date night

 

 **Washingdone:** Goodbye y'all

 

 **Peggles:** Bye Washingdaddy!1!

 

 **Laflyette:** P E G G Y

 

 **Queen Martha:** That's my Washingdaddy

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I want to d ie

 

 **irlANGEL:** Ditto

 

 **J. Laur:** LAFAYETTE IS CHOKING OH MY GOD  


**Herc.Nochilligan:** I'M VVV CONCERNED

 

 **Laflyette:** IMFUCKFING DONE OKAYT INVANT HANDLEB THID ANYMROE

 

 **Queen Martha:** ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom pleasant 
> 
> Next Chapter: Twin talk


	13. Double Trouble

_**Prada.Mama** _ **sent a message to group chat** _**Ham Spam Wham Bam** _

 

**Prada.Mama:** Guys I came to a realization

 

**SmolHamMan:** Share with the chat

 

**Prada.Mama:** So Peggy and I were doing makeovers and I realized they look exactly like me???

 

**Peggles:** We have the same bone structure and everything it's so weird

 

**Prada.Mama:** _who'swhodoggoaddition.png_

 

**J. Laur:** ??????????? I hate this

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Im pretty sure Maria's on the left in the brown dog

 

**Elizard:** I don't want to choose because that means I don't know what my sister looks like and I cannot have that guilt on my soul

 

**SmolHamMan:** My eyes are hurting w t f

 

**Laflyette:** Maria has the dalmatian you can tell by the hair part

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** They have the same hair part tho???

 

**Peggles:** Rekt scrublord 3000

 

**Queen Martha:** I don't like this it makes me feel like a terrible mother

 

**JemMads:** No opinion

 

**AyAyRon:** Same

 

**T. Jeffersinn:**  This,, is too much

 

**irlANGEL:** Okay but like Peggy's cheeks are slightly rounder and her eyes are wider

 

**irlANGEL:** She's the one with the dalmatian dog filter

 

**irlANGEL:** AKA Maria is on the left and Peggy the right

 

**Peggles:** Lol fam you right

 

**Elizard:** I

 

**Elizard:** I knew that

 

**Peggles:** No you didn't

 

**Elizard:** No I didn't

 

**Prada.Mama:** This just proves how awesome my gf is everybody else can go the fuck home

 

**SmolHamMan:** Okay but on that topic can we just??? Compare ourselves to others??

 

**SmolHamMan:** I just realized that Herc and Madison look so much alike??? 

 

**SmolHamMan:** Like the only difference is the height and possibly the body build because nobody matches my bby's thighs okay goodb y e

 

**JemMads:** We've noticed that quite a while ago tbh

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Yeah it's funny we all wondered when you'd notice

 

**J. Laur:** I kinda noticed that 

 

**J. Laur:** I was like eh???? Maybe???

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** Lafayette and I look exactly alike as well

 

**J. Laur:** Now I wouldn't say /exactly/ alike because they have fuller lips 

 

**SmolHamMan:** I don't see it

 

**JemMads:** How can you not see it?

 

**Washingdone:** Alex we can all see it

 

**Laflyette:** If anything, Thomas looks more like Daveed Diggs 

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** Okay I agree to that

 

**irlANGEL:** You two both look like Daveed Diggs with your hair out and faces clear of make up

 

**AyAyRon:** I'm sorry but who is he??

 

**SmolHamMan:** Some rapper in a group

 

**Laflyette:** Not just SOME rapper 

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** He's part of the rap group clipping. and he's pretty good I love his flow

 

**Prada.Mama:** He's the fastest rapper that was on Broadway??? How do you not know who he is????

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** He played in Hamilton, right? About the founding father?

 

**SmolHamMan:** Okay SLOW DOWN

 

**SmolHamMan:** EXPLANATION

 

**J. Laur:** Please because my head is spinning

 

**Washingdone:** Ditto

 

**Queen Martha:** You guys are pathetic I find it sad

 

**Queen Martha:** Hamilton: An American Musical, is about the ten dollar founding father Alexander Hamilton. It has a very diverse cast despite it being about a bunch of dead white guys that founded the country and the whole thing is nothing but music and the show is beautiful and now that I think about it you all look like people from the original cast???

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** She's right their roles even share the same names as us 

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Alex you look a lot like Lin Manuel-Miranda, the writer/composer/person who plays Alexander Hamilton

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** John looks like Anthony Ramos, who has a beautiful voice and plays John Laurens/Philip Hamilton

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Both Laf and Thomas look like Daveed Diggs (my bby to the max), who plays, suprisingly, both of there roles

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** James and Hercules look like Okieriete "Oak" Onaodowan, who plays there roles also and doesn't get enough recognition because they're completely different in the musical like H O L Y SHIT

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Both Pegs and Maria look like Jasmine Cephas Jones, who plays their roles respectively, is dating Anthony Ramos, and has the voice of an angel like she can slay my existence

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** To make this easier imma name who the rest of y'all look like because they play the person with your name so why the extra words

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Ang looks like Renee Elisa Goldsberry who is vvv pretty i cann ot

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Eliza Like Phillipa "Pippa" Soo who is so sweet like,,,,yess

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron looks like Leslie Odom Jr., aka another angel sent from heaven

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Washington looks like Christopher Jackson who is lowkey really attractive

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Martha and I are mentioned but we aren't important characters

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** I'm married to Aaron and we have a child though I'm cheating on my husband who is a British officer and Leslie does this song about it while trying to prove he isn't salty about Hamilton's success and his own lack of success

 

**Queen Martha:** Oh yeah Wait for It is great

 

**SmolHamMan:** ,,,

 

**J. Laur:** Wow ohmy god

 

**Laflyette:** Thomas and I actually met Daveed he is very sweet

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** WHAT NO FAIR I WANNA GO MEET MY TRIPLE

 

**irlANGEL:** I need to listen to the soundtrack

 

**SmolHamMan:** We all do

 

**Laflyette:** Woops I know it a l l fear me

 

**Laflyette:** Everybody go listen and we'll regroup in 2 and a half hrs

 

**J. Laur:** Save us god

 

\--

 

**SmolHamMan:** I,,, did not want that

 

**SmolHamMan:** Someone hold me

 

**J. Laur:** I'm sobbing that was beautiful what the fuck

 

**Elizard:** Peggy where are the tissues

 

**Peggles:** I used them all suck my ass

 

**Washingdone:** I think I've ascended

 

**Queen Martha:** He's clenching onto my hand I think this broke him

 

**AyAyRon:** That :) was :) pleasant :)

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron is sobbing into my shoulder oh my god

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Wait For It broke him

 

**JemMads:** I don't understand why Oak doesn't get enough recognition because his role switch was great

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** The voices??? hOW??? I'm impressed vvv much 

 

**irlANGEL:** I loved Renee she has a nice voice and is very talented I'm happy I look like her

 

**Elizard:** Phillipa's voice makes me want to cry

 

**Elizard:** Burn hit me so hard

 

**Elizard:** It's my favorite song besides Satisfied

 

**Peggles:** My character got like no screen time I feel neglected

 

**Prada.Mama:** I like Say No To This a lot 

 

**Prada.Mama:** Those high notes cleared my skin and I think I'm passing all my classes

 

**Prada.Mama:** But really Hamilton (the father) you dick what the fuck 

 

**Laflyette:** I'd like to take a moment to recognize the beauty that is Guns and Ships

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** I never get over how much of a jazzy fucker Jefferson is I love it

 

**Queen Martha:** George won't admit but his favorite song is One Last Time

 

**Queen Martha:** Mine is The Adam's Administation

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Mine's Dear Theodosia

 

**J. Laur:** Okay but like

 

**J. Laur:** I have questions???

 

**J. Laur:** Whatever happened to my character in the first act

 

**Queen Martha:** Was shot by retreating British forces right before NonStop

 

**Queen Martha:** You get a mini song

 

**J. Laur:** Oh how pleasant

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Okay but what happened to me??? I just fucked off after Yorktown?? Where did I go???

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Nobody really knows tbh

 

**Peggles:** What happened to Peggy????

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Married then died of like a cold or something

 

**Peggles:** How anticlimactic I'm disappointed

 

**J. Laur:** So am I tbfh

 

**SmolHamMan:** I'd like to get something clear because 

 

**SmolHamMan:** Aaron Fuckboi my mother was not a whore okay thanks

 

**AyAyRon:** I never said that 

 

**SmolHamMan:**  Then I'm not talking to you

 

**Queen Martha:** We should all see the musical 

 

**Laflyette:** That's a splendid idea Martha!

 

**Laflyette:** I'll check for the affordable tickets because god knows how much the resales are

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** We should go soon oh my god I'm hype for this

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Maybe this weekend? Because none of us are ever busy

 

**SmolHamMan:** I just saw the resale ticket prices

 

**J. Laur:** He nearly passed out

 

**SmolHamMan:** That's! too! much!

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** What if we begged people for tickets?

 

**Laflyette:** No need

 

**Laflyette:** If everyone goes on now then you can buy some of these newly released tickets

 

**Laflyette:**  How about we go see the second Sunday show?

 

**Queen Martha:** Sounds good

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Very

 

**irlANGEL:** I have no problem

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** Good for me

 

**J. Laur:** Very

 

**SmolHamMan:** I'm assuming everybody that just spoke is paying for tickets right

 

**irlANGEL:** Of course

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Sometimes I forget our signifs are from wealthy households

 

**SmolHamMan:** It's pretty easy to tbh

 

**AyAyRon:** I am so excited for this

 

**JemMads:**  So am I

 

**Prada.Mama:** Angelica you can afford my ticket too right

 

**irlANGEL:** My father?? Is rich???

 

**irlANGEL:** Of course I can tf

 

**Prada.Mama:** Thx bby love youuu

 

**irlANGEL:** <3

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** Is this a forest because I did not expect all this sap

 

**JemMads:** Don't make me start

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** I rescind my comment

 

**SmolHamMan:** Lmao what a leash you got there

 

**J. Laur:** Lmao nice burn bro

 

**SmolHamMan:** Lmao

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Stop

 

**Peggles:** Guess! Where! I! Am!

 

**Elizard:** Where?

 

**Peggles:** Lmao check snapchat

 

**J. Laur:** WHY

 

**J. Laur:** ARE YOU WITH

 

**J. Laur:** ANTHONY RAMOS

 

**JemMads:** Wait what???

 

**Peggles:** Haha funny story actually

 

**Peggles:** I was on my way to that donut shop downtown for my weekly free box of glaze

 

**Peggles:** And I'm just coming out of the store when I see Anthony like at the exact time he sees me

 

**Peggles:** And I'm here like 'wow john where are your other signifs' when he says says 'jazzy babe didn't expect to see you here'

 

**Peggles:** Then there's a pause where we decide to regroup and like

 

**Peggles:** 'You aren't John' 'You aren't Jasmine'

 

**Peggles:** 'I'm Peggy Schuyler' 'Really now?' 'Lmao yep' 'Well that's fucking weird' 'No shit'

 

**Peggles:**  'You look a lot like my gf' 'A lot of people say that' 'like who?' 'oh my sister Angelica she's dating my other double Maria' 

 

**Peggles:**  'so you're actually Peggy Schuyler' 'yah' 'And you just so happen to look like Jazzy' 'Coincidentally'

 

**Peggles:** 'I'm assuming you've heard of Hamilton' 'Duh who hasn't' 'Do you have like, a group of friends or whatever that look like the cast' 'Oh god you have no idea my friend John looks just like you'

 

**Peggles:** 'Weird' 'Very' 'Do you plan to see the show' 'Uh yeah we're all gonna see it this Sunday why' 'Because I gotta go tell the others this is mind boggling'

 

**Peggles:** Long story short I got his number, a selfie, and the cast will be expecting us

 

**Peggles:** Oh and I gave him a glaze because why not

 

**Washingdone:** Holy shit

 

**Peggles:**  Watch your fucking language Washington

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Well shit I'm extra hype

 

**J. Laur:** Peggy are you sharing my double's number with me or what

 

**Peggles:** Soz broseph never got the permission

 

**Peggles:** Also dormmates I'm coming back with donut leftovers lmao forgot to mention that

 

**Elizard:** Love ya sis

 

**Prada.Mama:** Wife :0 

 

**Prada.Mama:** You shouldn't have :0

 

**Peggles:** But :) I did :)

 

**Prada.Mama:** Truly the best

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Um

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Not to worry y'all but Alex just screamed 

 

**Elizard:** Is he okay

 

**J. Laur:** Yeah just shook 

 

**SmolHamMan:** What if we all get mixed up and I kiss Ramos instead of John

 

**SmolHamMan:** I wouldn't know my own boyfriend oh my god I'm dying inside

 

**Peggles:** If it helps

 

**Peggles:** Anthony likes to wear his hair down

 

**J. Laur:**  And I'll be right next to you okay don't freak

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** I'm extra hype

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Pegs ask him if he can get most of the original crew together so we can meet everyone

 

**SmolHamMan:** Oh so some of the cast left? Who?

 

**Queen Martha:** Pippa, Leslie, Lin (though he still lurks around), Daveed, Groff (original King George), and Arianna Debose (The Bullet) is who I remember the most but I think a few more might have left

 

**Laflyette:** I know that Renee is scheduled to leave in the fall

 

**Laflyette:** Idk when Chris is leaving

 

**Laflyette:** Janthony are leaving in the spring

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** Janthony

 

**Laflyette:** Jasmine and Anthony

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Duh

 

**Peggles:** Done and he said he could do it for a fee

 

**Peggles:** We get details later

 

**Peggles:** Also John he said Hey

 

**J. Laur:** I'm so honored what the fuck tf 

 

**SmolHamMan:** Guys I've been thinking

 

**AyAyRon:**  This isn't good

 

**T. Jeffersin:** When aren't you

 

**SmolHamMan:** Don't fucking start

 

**SmolHamMan:** Anyway

 

**SmolHamMan:** As I was saying

 

**SmolHamMan:** What if we're reincarnations?

 

**JemMads:** That would suck because I don't want to be the reincarnation of a racist white dude

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** I would rather die tbh

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** No offense but why is this what you think about

 

**J. Laur:** Idk sounds pretty likely

 

**Laflyette:** I'm breaking up with you two

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** RT

 

**irlANGEL:** I don't want to think that but that would honestly be interesting

 

**irlANGEL:** Not to mention we're all people of color here and resemble the actors/actresses that play us in a musical about a founding father

 

**SmolHamMan:** Idk I was just thinking because it hits so close to home for me it's almost uncomfortable

 

**AyAyRon:** I have to agree with him on this I'm still a little unnerved about Wait For It

 

**Elizard:** Maybe we are reincarnates

 

**Peggles:** That would be so cool we should act like it

 

**Peggles:** Prank people and pull random facts out of our asses like we lived it

 

**Prada.Mama:** I like that idea

 

**Washingdone:** I don't want to think about it my head is swimming enough

 

**Queen Martha:** What a weenie lol

 

**Queen Martha:** But I have a question for Aaron

 

**AyAyRon:** Shoot

 

**Queen Martha:** Lmao that's funny

 

**Queen Martha:** Would you shoot Alex here if you felt the need to

 

**AyAyRon:** I don't think so

 

**AyAyRon:** I mean there are much more efficient ways to duel without purposely trying to murder him

 

**AyAyRon:** Like I could knock him out 

 

**AyAyRon:** But like

 

**AyAyRon:** I don't think I want to kill him just to shut up

 

**SmolHamMan:** That's good??? I think?? I hope

 

**Laflyette:** I'm interrupting with an important service announcement

 

**Laflyette:** Babes I'm going to the store what do you want

 

**SmolHamMan:** Oh um mint gum, pens, some paper, mechanical pencils, and popcorn

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Black thread, Mt Dew and/or Coke, gummy worms

 

**J. Laur:** My sanity

 

**Laflyette:** Don't think that can be replaced

 

**J. Laur:** Okay then

 

**J. Laur:** Those lime tortilla chips and salsa, hot pockets, Gatorade, oreo thins

 

**Laflyette:** Got it someone throw me my wallet

 

**Laflyette:** Never said at my face Hercules

 

**Herc.Nochilligan:** Deepest apologies

 

**Laflyette:** I'm off

 

**Laflyette:** I go to the store with more funds

 

**Laflyette:** I come back with more gum

 

**Laflyette:** And chips

 

**Laflyette:** And soda, bread, and dips

 

**Washington:** We'll rendevous at Rochambeau and share some shopping tips

 

**Washington:** No but really meet me in the parking lot Martha sent me to get stuff for baked ziti

 

**Laflyette:** I'm on my way

 

**T. Jeffersinn:** How long have you been waiting to say that

 

**Laflyette:** Three hours

 

**JemMads:** Why am I still here

 

**AyAyRon:** I ask myself that daily

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** Angelica what are we having for dinner tonight so I can go get it before going back to the apartment

 

**irlANGEL:** Oh I was gonna fry chicken and steam some brocolli

 

**Theo.doe.eyes:** In that case I'm going home to start covering the chicken

 

**irlANGEL:** Aaron Theo is a keeper don't hurt her

 

**AyAyRon:** Wouldn't dream of it

 

**Peggles:** Eliza Maria what are we having for dinner

 

**Prada.Mama:** We are literally right here

 

**Peggles:** You're point?

 

**Prada.Mama:** True

 

**Elizard:** I made a chicken Caesar salad so that's what I'm eating

 

**Peggles:** Why so health conscious

 

**Elizard:** Why not

 

**Peggles:** I'm gonna make a sandwich then that's so lame

 

**Queen Martha:** You guys need better food

 

**Queen Martha:** I'm cooking for you all before we go see Hamilton on Sunday

 

**SmolHamMan:** Thanks Mom-tha you're the best

 

**Queen Martha:** I try to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was great wasn't it. I had to rewrite most of this and I'm sure I died halfway through.
> 
> Next chapter: Exposure  
> \--  
> The Lafayette joke is from here: 
> 
> http://inordinatelyarticulate.tumblr.com/post/141111953073/hamilton-au-where-lafayette-is-the-only-roommate


	14. The Art of Exposure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: NSFW-ish? They talk about kinks and just sexual stuff so interpret that how you want

_**Laflyette** _ **sent a message to group chat _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **Laflyette:** OKay which one of you stole my dress

 

 **Laflyette:** Thomas I'm looking at you cough it up I'm gonna be late for class

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Okay I'm not a thief 

 

 **irlANGEL:** My hairties

 

 **J. Laur:** My shampoo

 

 **JemMads:** My virginity

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Okay for the record James you gave me that last one

 

 **JemMads:** Sometimes I regret it

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Not what you were saying last night but that's not my business

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Damn that's some exposure

 

 **Laflyette:** This is about my dress not your sex life 

 

 **Peggles:** Which dress is it tho you have a LOT of them

 

 **Laflyette:** My dark blue with the flare skirt with the white polka dots 

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh I have it don't worry

 

 **Laflyette:** What are you doing with it

 

 **J. Laur:** Uh??? Wearing it??? What else???

 

 **Laflyette:** Isn't it hanging kinda low??

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh no Hercules pinned it up for me

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** It looks really nice on him I almost want to cry

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm upset I haven't seen him yet

 

 **AyAyRon:** You guys are so sappy and domestic

 

 **Peggles:** I'm curious as to why you don't have your own chat yet

 

 **J. Laur:** Shit they're right

 

 **J. Laur:** I'll make it

 

 **Laflyette:** Why do you get to make it

 

 **J. Laur:** Because you don't really care

 

 **Laflyette:** You're right I don't

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Go to class

 

\--

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh,,, my god 

 

 **JemMads:** What happened now

 

 **JemMads:** You're only in French

 

 **SmolHamMan:** John happened

 

 **Laflyette:** Yes he did and I'm uncomfortable

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:**  He just walked through the door and those two are swooning because of the dress

 

 **J. Laur:** I don't think I look that bad tbh

 

 **Laflyette:** You look great,,,

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Someone help these sexually fueled idiots

 

 **irlANGEL:**  To the father

 

 **Elizard:** The son

 

 **Peggles:** And the holy ghost

 

 **Peggles:** Amen

 

 **Elizard:** Amen

 

 **irlANGEL:** Amen

 

 **AyAyRon:** Amen

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Amen

 

 **JemMads:** Amen

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Amen

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Please don't leave class you three I don't need this

 

 **J. Laur:** Don't worry we won't

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I'll live tweet

 

\--

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Laf: Steuben may Alex, John, and I be dismissed? VS:What for?

 

 **irlANGEL:** Oh my godd

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** A: John is having a problem and we're his emotional support J: Yeah against a wall maybe

 

 **Peggles:** JO HN

 

 **Washingdone:** Why

 

 **Queen Martha:** W H OOPING

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** VS:Well I'm sure you'll be able to manage next class, go have fun you three Laf: Merci VS: And don't rip the dress, Lafayette and John look rather flattering in it

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I"M STILL BLUSHING

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I,,

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** WHERE ARE YOU THREE

 

 **Laflyette:** D ASHING ACROSS CAMPUS

 

 **J. Laur:** Lmao we might be a little late to class Washington

 

 **Washingdone:** You have like 2+ hours before my class

 

 **J. Laur:** I know

 

 **AyAyRon:** Oh my god

 

\--

 

 **Washingdone:** Hercules you might need to come pick up your signifs they're being gross and class hasn't even started yet

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I'm vv worried what are they doing

 

 **irlANGEL:** Well for one Alex just offered to blow John in the back of the room

 

 **AyAyRon:** Take note that he said this while already having John pressed against the wall

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Lafayette is just staring and muttering in French but it's not good muttering they look ready to jump some bones

 

 **JemMads:** I wish I could unsee this whole day

 

 **JemMads:** I want to go to church

 

 **Queen Martha:** Lmao y'all fucking wild

 

 **Queen Martha:** Go get your boos Hercules

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Okay I'm on my way pls tell me they're full dressed

 

 **irlANGEL:** I mean for now they are

 

 **Washingdone:** Please hurry

 

\--

 

 **Laflyette:** John has a hair pulling kink

 

 **JemMads:** They're bringing it here

 

 **J. Laur:** Laf likes bondage

 

 **Peggles:** Woah nice

 

 **Elizard:** Peggy

 

 **Peggles:** Fine I'll stop

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Why? Is? This? Need? To? Know?

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Okay so we got back to my dorm and some things happened and in the aftermath they like,,, were admitting kinks and stuff?? Idk I'm not apart of it

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hercules is pretty vanilla it's kind of nice

 

 **Laflyette:** Vanilla with you maybe

 

 **SmolHamMan:** WHat does THAT mean??

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Ngl I'm living for this

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'm not I hate this chat

 

 **Laflyette:**  I'm in to all kinds of things so Hercules is nowhere near vanilla

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Why are you all like this

 

 **irlANGEL:** You guys are immature this isn't needed

 

 **Peggles:** Angelica's a bottom

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Lol srry babe

 

 **irlANGEL:**  First of all

 

 **irlANGEL:** I am a switch

 

 **irlANGEL:** Second of all

 

 **irlANGEL:** Maria's into breathplay

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I want to say something but James is just gonna drag me to hell and back and I'm not ready for that

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Thomas has a macaroni kink

 

 **T.** **Jeffersinn:** Excuse the fuck out of me no I do not

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I, a pure child of the Lord, have never had sex in my entire life

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I don't even know what a kink is come on

 

 **JemMads:** Thomas has a vibrator collection and like 20 different kinds of lube

 

 **JemMads:** He's a bottom

 

 **JemMads:** He likes ball gags and being spanked

 

 **JemMads** **:** One of his favorite kinks is cockwarming

 

_**T. Jeffersinn** _ **left the chat**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** ,,,,wow,,,,,

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay but same for the cockwarming

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Lmao I fucking knew it

 

 **AyAyRon:** My respect for all of you continues to drop

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aww come on Aaron you're not that different

 

_**AyAyRon** _ **left the chat**

 

_**Theo.doe.eyes** _ **added _AyAyRon_ and  _T. Jeffersinn_ to the chat**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** He has kINKS???

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** A few

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** He likes pegging

 

 **Peggles:** Can I rescind my friendship please and than you

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Okay who wants to hear James's kink list because I found it

 

 **Prada.Mama:** You made lists??

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** It was for precautions

 

 **Elizard:** Y'all are wild

 

 **JemMads:** Thanks Thomas but I can out myself without your help

 

 **JemMads:** I like waxplay, cupping, rimming, foodplay, rough sex, S/M, and sensory deprivation

 

 **JemMads:** Of course that's only when I let Thomas top

 

 **Washingdone:** I had faith in you James

 

 **JemMads:** What a mistake you've made

 

 **J. Laur:** GUYS!!!

 

 **J. Laur:** Spoiler alert: Hercules is into biting and scratching and such

 

 **J. Laur:** It's why he rarely wears shorts apparently

 

 **Laflyette:** Yeah he's a total sucker for pain when in the mood

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I shared that with you with a confidence 

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** This relationship is fake you are all fake I can't stand it I'm leaving

 

 **SmolHamMan:** He just kind of turned over and grunted

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Lafayette is into public sex and has a humiliation kink

 

 **Laflyette:** I do not!

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Three days ago

 

 **Laflyette:** Shit you're right

 

 **Queen Martha:** George has a foot fetish

 

 **Washingdone:** I want a divorce

 

 **irlANGEL:** Mr. Washington! How scandalous!

 

 **Prada.Mama:** You have one too tho

 

 **irlANGEL:** I want a divorce

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hah Laf that's very convenient for you

 

 **Laflyette:** Don't you fucking dare

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** What's going on wtf

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Alex is talking about The GWash Thing

 

 **Laflyette:** Yes and all who knows was sworn to never bring it up in Washington's presence

 

 **Washingdone:** I hate that I'm vaguely curious but what is it

 

 **J. Laur:** Nothing you want to know trust me

 

 **Laflyette:** He's right

 

 **SmolHamMan:** They once called you daddy 

 

 **Laflyette:** Alexander agreed with me

 

 **Laflyette:** He's the one who brought it up

 

 **irlANGEL:** If we're being clear, we all got drunk one night and Alex was like "lol I bet Washington has a daddy kink" to which Laf said "Have you seen the man in a suit? Is that cotton or daddy material?" to which everyone in the group agreed

 

 

 **Washingdone:** I'm afraid to ask who was in the group

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Me, James, Laf, Alex, John, Peggy, Aaron, Angelica, Alexander, Hercules

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** So almost everybody

 

 **Washingdone:** I-

 

 **Washingdone:** We are all going to church on Sunday

 

 **SmolHamMan:** It's almost funny I share a lot of kinks with you people

 

 **Washingdone:** I hope you develop a kink with the lord this weekend

 


	15. Sinning is an Art

_**Washingdone** _ **sent a message to group chat _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **Washingdone:** WAKE UP

 

 **Washingdone:** IT'S TIME TO R E P E N T

 

 **SmolHamMan:** It is 6:00 bossman what r you doni

 

 **Washingdone:** It's Sunday morning and church starts at 8

 

 **Washingdone:** You are to be dressed and at my house by 6:30 for breakfast and then we'll leave around 7:30

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I just woke up what are we talking about

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Nvm

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I'm nt goiing

 

 **Peggles:** This is the most bullshittiest thing i've ever seen in my life

 

 **Queen Martha:** It's funny how you thought he was kidding

 

 **Washingdone:** I was at first but then Martha said "I wanna see them interact in a church it should be hilarious"

 

 **Peggles:** Mom

 

 **Peggles:** I trusted you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** We aLL TRUSTED YOU

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Ugh I have to wake up the others then this is terrible you are all terrible

 

 **AyAyRon:** Theo and I are heading out the door

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** We can bring over stuff for breakfast if you need it

 

 **Queen Martha:** No I'll be fine just bring yourselves and 8 million

 

 **Washingdone:** Martha

 

 **Queen Martha:** FIne just bring the 8 mil

 

 **Washingdone:** Martha please

 

 **Queen Martha:** Don't ruin my fun old man I'll fucking benchpress you with my feet

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** He'd enjoy that tho

 

 _**Washingdone** _ **has left the chat**

 

 _**Queen Martha** _ **added _Washingdone_ to the chat**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh my fuck

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm too tired for this

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Also @ Burr hOW are you reAD Y ??????

 

 **AyAyRon:** Theo and I go like every other Sunday because sometimes I need to cleanse myself from this chat

 

 **JemMads:** Nice to know you have a schedule

 

 **Peggles:** ELIZA JUST S M A C K E D ME

 

 **Elizard:** She dumped ice water on my head 

 

 **Elizard:** I think I deserve patment

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Payment

 

 **Elizard:** It is before 7 do not test me shortstack

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Anyway I'm gonna go wake up my babes

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wish me luck

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I hope they kick you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Aw thx Jeffershit I needed this

 

 **J. Laur:** Good morning you sickos what's on the agenda

 

 **Peggles:** The lord apparently

 

 **Elizard:** How'd you wake up so fast

 

 **J. Laur:** Well you see

 

 **J. Laur:** When Alexander is kissing your face and then whispers "Buenos dias papi" into my ear with his voice still husky from sleep you get a little woke

 

 **Washingdone:** This is exactly why y'all need church

 

 **SmolHamMan:** John wake up Laf

 

 **J. Laur:** You wake up Laf

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Last time I did they /hit me with a shoe/

 

 **J. Laur:** And you think Hercules is easier?

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I'm willing to bet money on it

 

 **SmolHamMan:** $20

 

 **J. Laur:** Deal brb

 

 **Elizard:** Who do you think is gonna win?

 

 **JemMads:** I don't know if I care enough to think about it

 

\--

 

 **SmolHamMan:** V I C T O R Y

 

 **Laflyette:** I hate you all

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I'll go start the coffee

 

 **J. Laur:** I'm never waking Laf up again goodbyee

 

 **irlANGEL:** Why what happened

 

 **Laflyette:** I reacted accordingly

 

 **J. Laur:** You almost landed a perfect right hook to my nose how is that a reasonable reaction

 

 **Laflyette:** You also blasted Never Gonna Give You Up in my ears to wake me up so that hit was deserved

 

 **Peggles:** Lmao good choice Johnster

 

 **J. Laur:** I wish I could agree with you

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I have nothing to wear that is a shame looks like I can't go srry folks

 

 **Elizard:** Maria is literally attempting to throw all of her Sunday dresses out the window but she can't get it open

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I am just becoming alive you try to pull open a window

 

 **irlANGEL:** Theo have you seen my black dress with the slits in the back I plan to Slay today

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** It's behind the cardboard cutout of Dwayne Johnson

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Why do you have a cut out of The Rock

 

 **irlANGEL:** He's a babe 

 

 **Laflyette:** Shit that be true

 

 **JemMads:** I would dump Thomas for The Rock

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Same tbh

 

 **J. Laur:**  I'm pretty sure we'd all dump our lovers for The Rock

 

 **J. Laur:** Well Except for Hetero McGee

 

 **AyAyRon:** If The Rock asked me to get on my knees and blow him I would say thank you

 

 **Queen Martha:** Okay then that's enough internet for the day

 

\--

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** There's a rip in my suit pants I'm crying

 

 **Laflyette:** I! Don't! KNow! What! To! Wear!

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Well I'm now wearing my navy pants with a white shirt

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** And assuming we're all color coding you can wear something along those lines

 

 **Laflyette:** Wear your light purple tie and I'll take care of the other two

 

 **Laflyette:** I have an idea

 

\--

 

 **Washingdone:** Alex you four are nearly late for breakfast

 

 **SmolHamMan:** JOHN IS SPEEDING DOWN THE STREET WE'RE COMING IN HOTT

 

 **JemMads:** I heard the tires screech

 

 **J. Laur:**  Okay I'm parked

 

 **Laflyette:** We are never letting you drive ever again

 

 **irlANGEL:** How did you not get pulled over????

 

 **J. Laur:** I have skills

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** We were pulled over twice

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** John gave em those puppy dog eyes and batted his lashes

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** They gave him two tickets each

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Then he paid them off

 

 **J. Laur:** See skills

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I still don't understand why you carry so much money with you

 

 **SmolHamMan:** WHat if you're mugged????

 

 **J. Laur:** Well I don't need it anyway so I hope whoever mugs me makes good use of it

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** John Laurens has true good in his heart

 

 **Washingdone:** I hope you were all wearing seatbelts

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Don't worry Dad we were fine

 

 **SmolHamMan:** shIT W A I T

 

 **irlANGEL:** Oh my god

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** DEAR

 

 **J. Laur:** Omf

 

 **Laflyette:** Alex why

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'm Laughing so hard someone help me

 

 **Peggles:** IM,,,,DOWNN

 

 **JemMads:** THomas just fell off the chair someone help us

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Im regretting every moment in my life plz kill me

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** "Don't worry /Dad/ we were fine"

 

 **Elizard:** Dad

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Daddio

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I hate you all sO MUCH

 

 **Washingdone:** Alex

 

 **Washingdone:** Do you see me as a fatherly figure

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I don't know why you make such blasphemous accusations, sir

 

 **SmolHamMan:** If anything YOU see ME as a sonly figure

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You brought this role onto yourself

 

 **Washingdone:** It's true I do see you as a son

 

 **Washingdone:** You're part of my family, Alexander. Never forget that.

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Shit thanks Washington

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I think I'm gonna cry

  

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** This is so sweet Alex we love you

 

 **Peggles:** Dicks out for Alex

 

 **AyAyRon:** Please no

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I love you all too

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Now how close is breakfast to being done

 

 **Queen Martha:** It's done now come serve yourselves

 

\--

 

 **J. Laur:** Okay this is great and all

 

 **J. Laur:** But where are the grits

 

 **J. Laur:** How can you have breakfast without grits

 

 **SmolHamMan:** John not everybody eats grits

 

 **irlANGEL:** I do

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I do

 

 **Washingdone:** I do

 

 **Elizard:** I do

 

 **Peggles:** I don't see the appeal its gross and grainy 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Not to mention a pain in the ass to clean out of the pot

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** They're a sometimes food

 

 **J. Laur:** No they are an all the time food

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Some of us don't have grits running through their viens

 

 **JemMads:** They aren't the best

 

 **J. Laur:** But you're from the South

 

 **J. Laur:** How do you not like grits

 

 **JemMads:** Not everybody is a walking stereotype like you John

 

 **J. Laur:** I

 

\--

 

  **Peggles:** Breakfast was great Marthmom thx

 

 **Laflyette:** Now time for a healthy dose of smut

 

 **Peggles:** Hamilton smut, that is

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Washington when can I bow out of this

 

 **Washingdone:** You can't but I wish we could

 

 **Queen Martha:** Hey it's not that bad

 

 **Elizard:** Please don't tell me they introduced you to smut

 

 **Queen Martha:** ;)

 

 **AyAyRon:** Why are you looking up Hamilton smut anyway

 

 **Peggles:** I get bored 

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Okay but like

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You're reading about your friends and/or family doing the diddly

 

 **Peggles:** Yes, I am aware

 

 **Laflyette:** It's fun pointing out stereotypes and such

 

 **Laflyette:** Not to mention sometimes the personalities are perfect matches

 

 **Queen Martha:** Oh my god have you ever read the Lauren's interlude by mihany because it's great

 

 **SmolHamMan:** ...

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Link it

**T. Jefferson:** Oh my god

 

\--

 

 **J.Laur** **:** Tbh I would have petty revenge sex in my dad's room I just don't think I'd bottom in that situation

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I wish I didn't read that and yet I want to read more

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Can we just go to church now

 

 **Washingdone:** Please

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** How are we all getting there? Because parking is sure to be hell and we aren't exactly getting there early

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I know what the morning rush church service looks like and it isn't pretty

 

 **Peggles:** ohmg Momtha

 

 **Peggles:** Can we take the minivan

 

 **JemMads:** Minivan?

 

 **Queen Martha:** Yes we can take the minivan

 

 **Queen Martha:** I had bought a minivan for group trips like a year ago but George doesn't approve

 

 **Washingdone:** Because I'd rather not be Soccerdad

 

 **Washingdone:** I don't even like soccer

 

 **irlANGEL:** That's understandable

 

 **irlANGEL:** But we should get going

 

 **Laflyette:** I CALL FIRST MUSIC PICK

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Please help us lord

 

\--

 

 **Laflyette:** WE WHO ARE ABOUT TO BANG THEM DRUMS

 

 **Peggles:** BANG

 

 **T.Jeffersinn:** BEATIN ON A DEAD BODY RIDIN SHOTGUN

 

 **Queen Martha:** TALKIN THAT SHIT BTCH BITE YOUR TONGUE

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** SEE THAT SHIP OVER YOUR CITY, BETTER RUN, RUN

 

 **Prada.Mama:** YOUR WAR IS LIKE A BOARD GAME WHERE IT COME FROM

 

 **JemMads:** ALREADY BORED, CLAIMING YOUR GANG

 

 **J.Laur:** "PYONG" GO THE GUN

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Wow they really like clipping.

 

 **Elizard:** THis is terrifying

 

 **AyAyRon:** Agreed

 

\--

 

 **Washingdone:** We're here everybody get tf out

 

 **Laflyette:** I step out the van and at least six people are staring

 

 **J. Laur:** In their defense you look ready to kill somebody and use their blood as lipstick

 

 **irlANGEL:** That's my look???

 

 **Prada.Mama:** No you look more like the new queen of the world with an army at your feet and it's frightening but also I'm really gay for you right now

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hercules come hold my hand so that John can hold Laf's and then me and John can be squished between you two and hook arms

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Do you all insist on being disgusting and sappy 

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Of course

 

 **Peggles:** I'm in love with this suit okay okay goodbye

 

 **Peggles:** Also @ Herc thanks fam you really came through

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I like the embroidered PS on your cuffs

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:**  That took forever to do, btw so appreciate

 

 **Elizard:** I haven't worn this dress in months and it still fits I'm shocked 

 

 **Washingmom:** It's a really pretty shade of green Eliza I love it

 

 **JemMads:** Rt

 

 **AyAyRon:** James??? Are you and Thomas already inside???

 

 **JemMads:** We're fast walkers

 

 **irlANGEL:** Did you find good seats

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** No we were making out in the bathroom

 

 **Peggles:** Filthy sinners

 

 **Washingdone:** God is watching

 

\--

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Tfw JeffMads walks in disheveled and the people nearby turn to give them dirty looks

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Did you all really turn off your phones??

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** That means I can

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Live-tweet

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** From this fourth row of pews

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** My time has come

 

\--

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Log # 1: Squad Goes to Church

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** So far everybody is still awake, though Thomas looks rather sleepy

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** No casualties have occurred yet

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** To my left John keeps staring lovingly at Lafayette and the pastor hasn't come out yet

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I say that there is a 97% chance that they will kiss during this service

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** My lovely Aaron is playing Abyssrium on his phone, meaning he either can't see these texts or is ignoring them

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** If it is the latter then I am very offended

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Wait he's looking up

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** He kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my hand I love this man

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** To my right the Washingtons are engaged in a serious conversation

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** If I listen closely enough ut sounds like teasing

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Angelica and Maria are holding hands while resting their heads on one another 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I'm taking so many pictures right now

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** mY FLASH WENT OFF ABORT ABORT

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aww Angelica is blushing

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** These couples are so beautiful how am I friends with an of you

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Anyway

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Peggy, who is sitting right next to me, says "420 Blaze It" and Eliza just snorts 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Siblings are so pretty

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** A glance over to the poly squad shows that Alexander and Hercules are talking while Laf is playing with John's hair

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Behind them Thomas and James seem to be whispering in to each other

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Thomas is trying not to laugh while James fixes his tie with a soft smile

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** How domestic is this freaking group

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Someone just came and passed today's itinerary to our row

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** They seem to be smiling at us so I waved and they mouthed 'You have a beautiful group of friends' looks like this person is not an asshole I'll need to get their number later on

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Apparently James seems to know the person??? Interesting

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Thomas looks a little nervous and maybe uncomfortable? The stranger smiles and ruffles his hair while causing him to blush

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** THey walk away and now JeffMads is in a hushed whisper with James giggling and Thomas being really flustered

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Here comes the pastor let's get this show on the road

 

\--

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Dear church goers we are ten minutes in and everybody looks extremely bored

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Alexander looks to be inwardly groaning while resting his head on Lafayette's shoulder 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** John seems kind of rigid but I think this is understandable considering how church was deeply related into his upbringing bless his soul

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Hercules is,,, knitting,,, while looking at the pastor??? Where did he get that from??? How???

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Upon further investigation he seemed to have brought a bag with him. I respect this man deeply

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Lafayette still looks stunning and I love the makeup today. It goes great with their dress

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** They don't seem to care much for the service but still seem to be paying attention

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** James and Thomas are sitting up straight, their pinkies linked, almost as if they've done thid multiple times before

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Very cute if I do say so myself

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Peggy is resting on Eliza's shoulder, both look tired 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Maria and the Washington's look vaguely interested 

 

 **AyAyRon:** Aaron is paying attention though he couldn't care less

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:**  Get off your phone babe

 

 **AyAyRon:** <3

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** <3

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Angelica looks to be on snapchat maybe? Definitely taking a sneak picture of Maria

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** The pastor starts off with the typical "Love thy neighbor as you love thy friend" thing, meaning we must all stand up and say I love you to the people on either side of us

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron is grinning widely

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Peggy gives me a quick kiss on the cheek

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** The Ot4 are being disgustingly cute as always

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** James and Hercules laugh when saying 'I love you' to each other look at that

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** John laughs at Eliza who is grinning as well, a lipstick stain on her cheek from Peggy

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** John has a matching one from Lafayette, and so does Alex

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Maria and Angelica are doing the thing where they stare into each others eyes

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** And I have yet to be caught texting in the holy home of the lord

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** No conflict yet, which is good

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Maybe this will stay sweet and uneventful

 

\--

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Hello church goers I am Theodosia Bartow and I was extremely wrong

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I have just looked at the itinerary and guess what scriptures we're reading??

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, and Romans 1:26-28

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Upon this announcement, John and Madison visibly froze, and almost everyone else looks worried and/or slightly irritated

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Peggy looks confused, as does Lafayette

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** It doesn't look like we're leaving yet, but it seems like we will if needed

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I, myself, am upset about this

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I was hoping this would be a good thing for everyone because not all churches are like this

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Updates will come soon

 

\--

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** And we are back

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Unfortunately, nothing has gotten better

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** We are currently reading the first on the list and everybody looks extremely peeved

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Thomas is squeezing James' hand comfortingly

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Lafayette and Eliza are holding either on of John's hands

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Not as comfort it's to hold him back

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** He looks ready to kill a man which I'm pretty sure he's capable of doing

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Angelica and Maria are furiously typing on their phones

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Alexander and Hercules look extremely upset

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Oh

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Wait

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Alexander is whispering to Hercules, who is whispering down the line to John and Laf while Alex shares his idea with Thomas and James

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** They all have gleams in their eyes now

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I see that Maria and Ang have the same gleam

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Needless to say, I am interested

 

\--

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** This is the best plan I love these children so much

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** They're all just making out now and the pastor has definitely noticed

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** He's trying to ignore it but that's kinda hard when Maria is straddling Angelica, James is being really handsy, and the poly crew is just being obscene

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Okay that was a moan

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Everybody heard it

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** People are whispering

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I look around and find that girl from earlier 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** She's obviously not trying to giggle

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** THE PASTOR IS SPEAKING

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** 'How dare you do such things in the house of the lord'

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** THomas: "This is a pretty shitty house of the lord in my opinion. Last time I checked it was love thy neighbor, not bash thy neighbor into the ground for being born who they were"

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** 'H-how DARE-'

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** John: "You would know all about that, wouldn't you THomas? Don't you have a bible kink?"

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** James:"John, you have a bible kink. Thomas has a bible kink. I have a bible kink. This is not unknown knowledge."

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** JOHNATHAN:"DICK ME DOWN, LEVITICUS"

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Hercules:"D A D D Y"

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I wonder how long it'll take for us to get kicked out

 

\--

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Welcome back, viewers! Theo just in, we have escaped that church.

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Martha yelled: "NICKI MINAJ CAN EAT MY ASS AND I'D THANK HER" Washington blushed

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Then make out sessions became more heated while Aaron caught the whole thing on camera (bless his soul)

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Also, we've been banned from the church. What a great experience.

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** This is Dosia Doddles, signing off.

 

\--

 

 **T.Jeffersinn:** The fact that Theo live-tweeted this whole thing is gold

 

 **J.Laur:** I'm tired

 

 **Laflyette:** Ditto

 

 **Peggles:** Can we all take a nap before seeing Hamilton tonight?

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I think about it I envision Martha to look like Annalise Keating from How To Get Away With Murder.
> 
> Also this took forever to churn out because it deleted thrice and then school started so yeah. Let's hope the next chapter will be out sooner.


	16. Awkward Cast Convos

**_Queen Martha_ sent a message to group chat _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **Queen Martha:** I need help cooking dinner

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** I'm on my way

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Same

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You can cook??

 

 **AyAyRon:** Literally he's the only one who cooks

 

 **JemMads:** I'm lazy and Aaron just can't cook so

 

 **irlANGEL:** Phenomenal 

 

 **Washingdone:** What are we having for dinner?????????? And when??????

 

 **Queen Martha:** Well I'm frying fish and steaming some brocolli and they can add whatever

 

 **J. Laur:** Hercules make cornbread!!!!!!!

 

 **Laflyette:** !!!!! ^^^^^

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Idk I want buffalo shrimp

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I'm stopping by the store so speak now or forever hold your piece

 

 **JemMads:** Porkchops

 

 **JemMads:** And corn but not mixed with the peas I hate that

 

 **Peggles:** Who mixes peas with corn

 

 **Elizard:** Dad does

 

 **AyAyRon:** Thomas when we don't by enough corn cans

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I do sometimes I like the taste

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Weird

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Also can we get corn on the cob because yess

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Kay anything else

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** THings for buffalo shrimp since Martha has nothing here for that

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** And white rice

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Don't forget we're feeding a mob here

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I should be over in 20

 

\--

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** What happened to being over in 20

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Walmart is literally so crowded 

 

 **T.Jeffersinn:**  Is everyone preparing for some sort of apocalyspe I wasn't informed of??

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh wait I'm next hell yess

 

\--

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Jem I'm paying with your card

 

 **JemMads:** Why my card?

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Because you used my card last time

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** And because you currently have more money on your card than I do so yeah

 

 **JemMads:** Well I can't wait for Christmas then

 

\--

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Ookay supplies are here, hands are going to work, and dinner should be ready in two hours what time is it

 

 **Elizard:** Currently 4:37

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Perfect

 

\--

 

  **Queen Martha:** These two took over my kitchen so who wants to come play scrabble

 

 **irlANGEL:** On my way

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Pick us upppp Hercules took the car

 

 **irlANGEL:** Can't I have Pegs, Eliza, Maria, and Theo to drive since Aaron has the car

 

 **JemMads:** Aaron and I are on our way over so we'll come get you three

 

 **SmolHamMan:** James is wonderful truly a saint

 

 **Laflyette:** We're cominggg

 

\--

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Fergalicious is not a word

 

 **Peggles:** Oh it so it

 

 **J. Laur:** Yes I agree

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'm with Alex Fergalicious is not a word

 

 **Queen Martha:** No no I think Pegs is onto something

 

 **JemMads:** It shouldn't be played

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron what do you think

 

 **AyAyRon:** It was never said that we couldn't play words like Fergalicious so I say it counts

 

 **Prada.Mama:** That's some serious bullshit

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Agreed 

 

\--

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** COME EAT WE HAVE LIKE TWO HOURS AND THERE'S A LOT OF FOOD

 

 **Washingdone:** Oh my god I'm in heaven

 

 **Peggles:** Whoever the fuck made peas

 

 **Peggles:** RUn

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Dear lord

 

\--

 

 **Laflyette:** Haha I think it's funny that we forgot all about Halloween 

 

 **irlANGEL:** That's tomorrow right?

 

 **Laflyette:** Ha yeah I'm gonna scream I have nothing ready what do I do

 

 **AyAyRon:** Closet costumes are a thing

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** How did we all forget about Halloween though

 

 **JemMads:** Oh no I've been planning ever since August

 

 **JemMads:** Thomas you and I are going as Tom and Jerry

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh my god that's disgustingly cute

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And it makes sense since Jefferson is such a tomcat

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You have no right to talk Alex I swear

 

 **J. Laur:** Anyway moving on

 

 **J. Laur:** Guys we should do ocean themed costumes

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Any reasons?

 

 **J. Laur:** Idk I just want one of us to be a jelly fish

 

 **J. Laur:** I bought this really cute dress with swishy tentacle things a few months ago and I never a chance to where it until now

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh is that what's in the bag in the back of our closet

 

 **J.Laur:** Yep

 

 **Peggles:** That sounds pretty

 

 **Peggles:** I'm gonna be Carlos from Welcome to Night Vale

 

 **Laflyette:** OH MY GOD THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO BE

 

 **Laflyette:** John you're so lucky I love you like dear lord

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Oooh Angelica we should do a Cecilos costume too 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I call Cecil

 

 **irlANGEL:** Why do you get to be Cecil

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I'm just really into science these days

 

 **Elizard:** I'm gonna be Medusa

 

 **Peggles:** Why because you're a snake

 

 **Elizard:** That and because I have this wonderful dress and eye makeup that I've been dying to wear

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** I'm gonna be Aaron

 

 **AyAyRon:** And I'm gonna be Theo

 

 **Queen Martha:** That sounds adorable

 

 **Queen Martha:**  I plan to stay inside and binge watch every horror movie I can find

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** AhhhHHHHHHHH

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** You and Washington should be Morticia and Gomez Addams that would be so cute oh my god

 

 **Peggles:** That sounds like the cutest shit ever

 

 **Washingdone:** But how about this ,,,,, no

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Oh my god plEASE MR. WASHINGTON

 

 **Washingdone:** What's in it for me

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Reasonable essays from me and a hundred on every test from everybody else for the next month

 

 **Washingdone:** Deal

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Guys we have to g o we're gonna be late

 

 **J. Laur:** How long do we have

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Five minutes

 

 **Laflyette:** SH I T

 

\--

 

 **Laflyette:**  John you need to learn how to drive

 

 **J. Laur:** I got us here on time didn't I?

 

 **irlANGEL:** You almost hit like three people

 

 **J. Laur:** Oh no that was deliberate

 

 **J. Laur:** They were wearing Trump t-shirts

 

 **irlANGEL:** Okay carry on then

 

 **Peggles:** GUYS IT'S GONNA START TIME TO START P I L I N G IN

 

\--

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Yo this set is beautiful like what the fuck

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I once saw a stage so beautiful I started crying???

 

 **Prada.Mama:** It's starting!!!

 

\--

 

 **Washingdone:** Thank god for intermission

 

 **J.Laur:** Alex started crying halfway through Aaron Burr, Sir

 

 **SmolHamMan:** It's a fucking masterpiece like what the fuck I love these people

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Wanna cuddle until Act 2

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Please

 

\--

 

 **Queen Martha:** GET BACK YOU GAYS IT'S S T A R T I N G

 

\--

 

 **SmolHamMan:** WHO LIVES

 

 **J. Laur:** WHO DIES

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** WHO TELLS

 

 **Laflyette:** YOUR S T O R Y

 

 **Elizard:** That was so powerful wtf the fu ck

 

 **AyAyRon:** I need to rethink all of my life choices

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Honestly I'm so alive right now like who returned my soul

 

 **Washingdone:** Guys I'm shook

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** We're all extra shook

 

 **Peggles:** Guys we're being summoned Let's Go!

 

\--

 

 **Peggles:** Aw Cephas is taller than me

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** That's literally all you have to say 

 

 **Peggles:** Yeah pretty much

 

 **Peggles:** Oh and she smells like cinnamon and what dreams are made of

 

 **Queen Martha:** Hercules and James are so animated with Oak they all look so happy

 

 **Queen Martha:** Nice to know James is the shortest

 

 **Queen Martha:** Alex looks so starstruck and John just looks really gay

 

 **J. Laur:** I'm gonna ask if they'd fuck their double

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Please don't

 

\--

 

 **irlANGEL:** John why the fuck would you even ask that question

 

 **J. Laur:** It was relevant I needed to know because I know I would fuck Anthony Ramos

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yes we know you loudly declared it and Anthony died after mumbling a quiet yes

 

 **irlANGEL:** Renee and I just like,, shared a look

 

 **irlANGEL:** Like it wouldn't be sex it would intellectual conversations over fine wine and I'm grateful for that

 

 **Peggles:** I like how Jazzy just shrugged "Ha yeah why not? ;)"

 

 **Prada.Mama:** She was so chill about it like I aspire to be her

 

 **Elizard:** Phillipa looked so embarrassed but she looked at me and said she'd have to think about it like how do I react

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I love how Daveed just said fucking yes

 

 **Laflyette:** "I mean I wouldn't decline it like if they asked I would probably say yes" -Daveed Diggs on screwing his doppelgangers

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** More like doppelbangers am I right

 

 **Elizard:** Please don't

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** He was so shy I found it weirdly endearing kind of like when John does that blushy thing whenever we point out his southern accent

 

 **JemMads:** Oak just shrugged with a "I don't think I'd be opposed but I'd find it weird"

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'm still screaming at "I could finally see how I look when I orgasm" because Leslie thought he would top smh

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron you can't even top on a good day

 

 **Washingdone:** This is a fucking hell chat and I want out

 

 **Washingdone:** Anyway Christopher Jackson politely declined because we both agreed that that would be weird and I don't think that's something I need in my life

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Lmao Lin just casually winked at me like I'm still red I can feel it this is murdering my soul

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Like I didn't know I needed that to be asked but at the same time I'm glad it was because I was kinda curious 

 

 **Peggles:** Tonight was great I got so many selfies

 

 **J. Laur:** Same

 

 **Laflyette:** ^^

 

 **Laflyette:** Ngl we should probably leave now we have late Halloween plans to make 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Oh god you're right

 

 **irlANGEL:** God help us all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took forever but in my defense school is leaving me with like, no time for anything. I'm struggling. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	17. Thanksgiving Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just been so busy lately and I really wanted to get this out so here! It' way past Thanksgiving but this was already halfway done so-
> 
> I'm not gonna do a Christmas chapter unfortunately as I don't really have the time
> 
> I should have the New Years one either today (hopefully) or tomorrow if I put my mind to it
> 
> Happy Holidays!!!

_**Queen Martha** _ **sent a message to group _Ham Spam Wham Bam_**

 

 **Queen Martha:** Question what are y'all doing for Thanksgiving

 

 **Elizard:** The Schuylers are actually going home

 

 **Elizard:** Dad has been begging us

 

 **irlANGEL:** Idk I'm pretty excited

 

 **Peggles:** He's gonna try and cook again what do we do

 

 **irlANGEL:** We suffer as we do every year

 

 **Laflyette:** The four of us are gonna have it here

 

 **Laflyette:** I bought everything today actually it's gonna be fun

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** James and I are heading back down to Virginia I'm not looking forward to it

 

 **JemMads:** We're flying

 

 **JemMads:** I'm gonna die

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You aren't gonna die

 

 **JemMads:** I will literally spontaneously combust the moment I set foot on that death trap

 

 **AyAyRon:** Theo and I were gonna have dinner with her family

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** My mom's been dying to see Aaron again

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** He's such a kiss up I swear

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Really? I never noticed

 

 **AyAyRon:** Nobody asked Alex

 

 **AyAyRon:** What are you and Washington up to, Martha?

 

 **Queen Martha:** Keeping it simple

 

 **Queen Martha:** A small ham with mashed potatoes, veggies, cornbread, stuffing, collard greens

 

 **J. Laur:** Hi I heard the Southerner Meal being made 

 

 **J. Laur:** Laf you bought collard greens and cornbread right

 

 **Laflyette:** Of course I did what kind of question is that

 

 **J. Laur:**  An important one 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** u g h I have to pack

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I hate packing

 

 **SmolHamMan:** You have a day

 

 **JemMads:** He needs at least three 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Our plane leaves early tomorrow I better hurry up

 

 **Laflyette:** Godspeed

 

\--

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** James and I are en route to the plane station

 

 **Laflyette:** Airport

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Blockt

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Traffic is so light I love driving at 5:30 am

 

 **irlANGEL:** Thomas some of us are still actually resting

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Not us tho we're packing 

 

 **irlANGEL:** And by that she means we're sitting on the couch at my place while I cry over her stomach because I love it so! much!

 

 **J. Laur:** Okay but I'd like to talk about Alex's stomach because I cannot anymore

 

 **J. Laur:** It's just so!! soft!! and he's really ticklish there so it's Great

 

 **irlANGEL:** Laurens you and I should talk more

 

 **J. Laur:**  Tbh I relate bc you're nice but also intimidating and you seem like one to support my violent tendencies

 

 **irlANGEL:** I'm all for it as long as you aren't actually hurting anybody bc I'd probably have to kill you

 

 **J. Laur:** See and this is why I like you

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Bonding over violence

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Astonishing

 

\--

 _**T. Jeffersinn** _ **sent a message to _JemMads_**

 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Jem I'm getting McDonald's do you want anything

 

 **JemMads:** Three cups of orange juice, hashbrowns, a pancake platter, and a will to live

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Babe

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Are you okay

 

 **JemMads:**  Just tired and ready to be done this trip

 

 **JemMads:** My siblings are going to kill me not to mention yours

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Ugh right 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** It's okay though I'm sure we'll be fine

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Meanwhile come eat these pancakes I got you

 

 **JemMads:** I love you

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Love ya too

 

\--

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** We're getting on the plane!!!

 

 **JemMads:** Please kill me

 

\--

 _ **SmolHamMan** _ **sent a message to group chat _Can't spell Polyphemus without Poly_**

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Hey Laf do you need help cooking

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I heard you drop a bunch of things in the kitchen and then you screamed "Fuck these pots fuck these pans fuck Thanksgiving I can't anymore I'm d o n e"

 

 **Laflyette:** Oh

 

 **Laflyette:** Right

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Don't worry love I'm on my way

 

 **Laflyette:** <3

 

\---

 _ **JemMads**  _  **sent a message to** _ **T. Jeffersinn**_

 

 

 **JemMads:**  Ew now we have to go get luggage

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** If I see anything cute I'm gonna buy it for you

 

 **JemMads:** If I said no would you still do it

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Of course

 

 **JemMads:** Fine but you're taking the first driving shift

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** No need

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:**  Jane and Mary are picking us up

 

 **JemMads:** Oh great 

 

 **JemMads:** We're having Thanksgiving at yours this year right

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Yeah and from what I heard you're family has been there for three days

 

 **JemMads:** Amazing

 

\---

 

 **JemMads:** Thomas I don't need that necklace

 

 **JemMads:** Or that bracelet

 

 **JemMads:** But I will take that navy shirt and the blanket with the stars all over it

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh no the jewelry was for me

 

 **JemMads:** That makes more sense

 

\---

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Okay my sisters are here, we've got our luggage, let's get this show on the road

 

 **JemMads:** Wait I have to pee

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Isn't that what I told you when you chugged those two slushies

 

 **JemMads:** Yeah whatever mom

 

\---

 

_**irlANGEL**  _ **sent a message to _The Schuylers_**

 

 **irlANGEL:** Eliza, Peggy, you two better be ready because Maria and I are on our way to pick you up

 

 **Elizard:** I can't find my conditioner we can't leave

 

 **Peggles:** It's fine I packed it in my bag

 

 **Elizard:** Thx

 

 **Elizard:** Wow I can't believe we're gonna see dad in like forever

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yeah he misses us 

 

 **Peggles:** This is going to be interesting

 

 **Peggles:** I love y'all you know that right

 

 **irlANGEL:** Oh my god

 

 **irlANGEL:** They have f e e l i n g s

 

 **Elizard:** We love you too Pegster

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yeah

 

 **irlANGEL:** Now hurry up we have to g o

 

\---

 

_**J. Lau** _ _**r** _ **sent a message to _Can't spell Polyphemus without Poly_**

 

 **J. Laur:** Laf do you have an extra hair tie

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Don't give it to him he looks so cute and wholesome with his hair down

 

 **J. Laur:** Yes but I need to help cook Alex

 

 **SmolHamMan:** We'd all willingly choke on a follicle for this tho

 

 **J. Laur:** A L E X

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** He's right tbh

 

 **Laflyette:** He is

 

 **Laflyette:** Also my headbands are in the second drawer just use one of those and wear your hair out later

 

 **J. Laur:**  K thx love

 

\---

 

_**Theo.doe.eyes** _ **sent a message to _AyAyRon_**

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Aaron can you stop looking at my kid pictures it's embarrassing

 

 **AyAyRon:** But you're adorable

 

 **AyAyRon:** You look so cute with your newborn locs

 

 **AyAyRon:** And even before with your full on fro and braids

 

 **AyAyRon:** Why did you ever get locs in the first place?

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Idk the style is easier to manage and I've always liked the aesthetic of locs

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** My mother used to have them but cut them off when I was young

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Not to mention you like pulling at these

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** YOU GOT SO RED OHMG MY MOM IS WORRIED

 

 **AyAyRon:** I'm going to the bathroom

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Have fun!!

 

\---

_**Washingdone** _ **sent a message to _Queen Martha_**

 

 **Washingdone:** Hon do you need any help??

 

 **Queen Martha:** No I'm just adding the finishing touches to the food don't worry

 

 **Queen Martha:** But my feet hurt and I need to rest

 

 **Washingdone:** How about I give you a massage while we watch the Junglebook on Netflix?

 

 **Queen Martha:** Where did I go right with you??

 

\---

 

_**JemMads** _ **sent a message to** _**T. Jeffersinn** _

 

 

 **JemMads:** I just want to sleep after all of that interaction

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Your mom still doesn't seem to like me

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Is she still mad about that little stunt I pulled when we were seventeen

 

 **JemMads:** You took me to Paris for three weeks without telling anybody 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** It was a good three weeks 

 

 **JemMads:** Was it worth being grounded for a month

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Of course it was I was with you

 

 **JemMads:** Don't make me cry I cannot do this with Ambrose here

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I'll put on Rihanna and then we can nap

 

 **JemMads:** My savior

 

\---

 

_**Prada.Mama** _ **sent a message to _irlANGEL_**

 

 

 **Prada.Mama:** Babe are you sure it's fine for me to stay with you

 

 **irlANGEL:** Of course 

 

 **irlANGEL:** My dad is going to love you and if he doesn't then he can suck it

 

 **irlANGEL:**  But you'll be fine I'm positive

 

 **irlANGEL:** And we can dip to my room whenever

 

 **Prada.Mama:** I love you

 

 **irlANGEL:** Love ya too

 

\---

 

_**Laflyette** _ **sent a message to group chat _Can't spell Polyphemus without Poly_**

 

 

 **Laflyette:** And food is done!!!

 

 **Laflyette:** I'm so proud of myself 

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** So are we babe thank you!!!

 

 **J. Laur:** Sorry but I already started eating the cornbread

 

 **SmolHamMan:** And that's why we made an extra pan

 

 **SmolHamMan:** I just want to say that I'm so thankful for you all

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Like I know I can be obsessive with school and be kind of annoying sometimes but you all put up with me and I love you all so much

 

 **J. Laur:** Alex,,,babe

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** It's not putting up with you we genuinely love you and we'll always be there for you

 

 **Laflyette:** We love you unconditionally and will love you forever

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Ohnmygod

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Can you come cuddle me

 

 **J. Laur:** Omw!!!

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** ^^^

 

 **Laflyette:** We're gonna all start crying aren't we

 

 **J. Laur:** Tbh we already are so why not do it in a group

 

 **Laflyette:** True I'm coming

 

\---

 

_**irlANGEL** _ **sent a message to _Prada.Mama_**

 

 

 

 **irlANGEL:**  And didn't I tell you he'd love you

 

 **Prada.Mama:** You're dad literally greeted me in smiley boxers, a button up shirt, and sunglasses I love him

 

 **irlANGEL:** Yeah he rarely gets dressed for holidays 

 

 **Prada.Mama:**  He must be fun at parties

 

 **irlANGEL:** Come on let's go pig out

 

 **irlANGEL:** Food's been done for hours apparently

 

\---

 

_**T. Jeffersinn** _ **sent a message to _JemMads_**

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Babe it's time to go downstairs

 

 **JemMads:** I'm sleeping 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You've been up for the past thirty minutes we have to go

 

 **JemMads:** Uggghghhhhhhh

 

 **JemMads:** I don't want to deal with Ambrose he still owes me fifty dollars

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** How???

 

 **JemMads:** Oh he stole it from me no big deal

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Ohmy

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** On the bright side my sisters take to him nicely they'll probably be babying him

 

 **JemMads:** Thank god for small miracles

 

 **JemMads:** Did your mom make lemon cake

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Of course 

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I think she made an extra one personally for us tbh 

 

 **JemMads:** Fine lets go

 

**\---**

 

_**Theo.doe.eyes** _ **sent a message to _AyAyRon_**

 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Stop kissing up to my mother it's gross

 

 **AyAyRon:** I don't know what you mean

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:**  You and I both know that cornbread was dry

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** And yet you still complimented it 

 

 **AyAyRon:** I was being polite

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Well then come be polite in my lap 

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** And bring the wine

 

 **AyAyRon:** Already poured you a glass

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes** **:** <333333

 

\---

 

_**Queen Martha** _ **sent a message to group chat** _**Ham Spam Wham Bam** _

 

 

 **Queen Martha:** Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

 

 **JemMads:** Happy Thanksgiving from Virginia - Thomas

 

 **Peggles:** Lmao happy thanks mom

 

 **Theo.doe.eyes:** Happy Thanksgiving

 

 **J. Laur:** Happy White Man's Holiday to you all

 


	18. Peggy's Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back??

~~~~**Peggles changed group name to _Cash Me Outside_**

 

 **Peggles:** Better

 

 **Peggles:** I'm bored any of y'all wanna hang 

 

 **J. Laur:** I would but I have date night 

 

 **AyAyRon:** Same

 

 **irl.ANGEL:** ^^^

 

 **Queen Martha:** ^^^^^

 

 **Elizard:** I'm studying so--

 

 **Peggles:** Ngl I expected this

 

 **Peggles:** But you still managed to let me down

 

 **JemMads:** I would but I'm sick and Thomas is gonna mother-boyfriend me back to health

 

 **SmolHamMan:** Lmao sounds like Hercules

 

 **Herc.Nochilligan:** Shut up and come get your pants I ironed them

 

 **Peggles:** Beautiful

 

 **Peggles:** Anyway I hope y'all have fun with your dates and such don't miss me too much

 

\--

 

 **Peggles:** So I'm out by myself since nobody wanted to hang out wiht me ya losers

 

 **Peggles:** And I realized I had no money or my card

 

 **Peggles:** SO Angel if you wake up with like 100 or 200 dollars missing it's my fault and I'll pay you back before the week ends

 

 **Peggles:** Meanwhile I'm on the complete other side of town eating at this really nice diner and there's somebody who just walked in

 

 **Peggles:** They're really cute?? Curly hair with streaks of pink in them, full lips, very very very on fleek make-up

 

 **Peggles:** Better than your's Laf I'm intimidated

 

 **Peggles:** They look like that person who came to talk to James that time at church

 

 **Peggles:** WAIT THEY SEE ME

 

 **Peggles:** BRB

 

\--

 

 **Peggles:** Okay so apparently this is Dolley Payne and apparently she and James are qpp and James I'm about to steal her from you

 

 **Peggles:** She has the best hugs and I'm living

 

 **Peggles:** Lmao Thomas she said I smell like you

 

 **Peggles:** Makes sense since I use the same shampoo

 

 **Peggles:** This is my new best friend I'm living

 

\--

 

 _**Peggles** _ **added D.Mads to** _**Cash Me Outside** _

 

 **Peggles:** Lmao Doll and I are out on the town!!!

 

 **Peggles:** Say hi Doll

 

 **D.Mads:** Sup hoes I'm Dolley Payne The GReat 

 

 **D.Mads:** Where the fuck are all of you this is upsetting 

 

 **Peggles:** Their doing lame things like studying and date night

 

 **D.Mads:** Lmao such scrubs

 

 **Peggles:** Hey wanna go movie hop

 

 **D.Mads:** yES

 

\--

 

 **D.Mads:** HOENESTLY Moana is a bop

 

 **Peggles:** YOURE WELCOME

**D.Mads:** Well come to think of it

 

 **Peggles:** Kid honestly I can go on and on

 

 **D.Mads:** I can explain any natural phenomenon

**JemMads:** The tide the grass the ground

 

 **D.Mads:** James!!! Hi!!

 

 **Peggles** : Maddymads!!

 

 **JemMads:** No the words are : Oh that was Maui just messing around

**JemMads:** W h o o p S I'm puking b y e

**D.Mads:** Lmao do you need to be qpp-ed

 

 **Peggles:** Can I come

 

 **D.Mads:** Of course!! Pegs you're great and you're staying with me

 

 **D.Mads:** Plus we can raid Thomas' pretentious wine stash

 

 **Peggles:** O hell ya

 

\--

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** I hear you guys in the kitchen please pour me a glass

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Also that's James' wine I prefer margaritas 

 

 **D.Mads:** James won't mind

 

 **D.Mads:** Meanwhile Tommy you and I can  have a benching contest

 

 **D.Mads:** Including Peggy of course

 

 **Peggles:** If you can press me I will literally cry

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Oh you're on

 

\--

**Peggles:** They! Both! Benched! Me!

 

 **Peggles:** My heart is dying I love their muscles Oh my god

 

 **Peggles:** Except Dolley is better bc her thighs can probably crush my skull

 

 **T. Jefferson:** They probably can Dolley scares me

 

 **D.Mads:** ;^)

 

\--

 

 **JemMads:** Oh my god did you guys drink all my wine 

**T. Jeffersinn:** No and none for you until you're  better

 

 **JemMads:** But babe

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** You have the stomach bug and therefore I must stop you

 

 **JemMads:** Fine but come cuddle w/ me

 

 **T. Jeffersinn:** Deal I'm bringing the heating blankets

 

 **JemMads:** God I love you

 

\--

 

 **Peggles:** So James and Thomas are knocked out

 

 **Peggles:** Wanna go back to my dorm and sleep

 

 **D.Mads:** Do you have fuzzy socks

 

 **Peggles:** D u h

 

 **D.Mads:** I'm in

 

\--

 

 **Peggles:** Dolley literally collapsed into bed like what is this

 

 **Peggles:** She's my new best friend forever like 

 

 **Peggles:** She's great and I'm tored

 

 **Peggles:** *tired

 

 **Peggles:** Lmao night noobs


End file.
